Anicca: She Said

Showing posts with label She Said. Show all posts

Friday, 8 January 2021

A Not So Good Girl

Priyanka January 08, 2021 0 Comments

My three-year-old daughter drives me crazy with her activities and it is a daily thing in our home. And many a time, to my surprise, what I tell her is, “good girls don’t behave like this.”

Somehow, this “Good Girl” concept got imprinted on her, and she loves to be called a good girl. However, with some magical force or something, her definition of “Good Girl” is different from the so-called societal definition. I am eternally thankful for this.

This reminded me of an incident that happened years ago. It was about 10-11 years ago that Sania Mirza wore a T-shirt with the caption “good girls don't make history.” And as you can imagine, she was criticized like she had committed murder and it was time to punish her for it.

Another time I remember noticing this concept was when I was watching a movie called "The Stepford Wives’. The theme of the movie is about men turning their wives into robots in order to make them the perfect wives. Perfect wives seemed so familiar with the Good Girl concept.

It got me thinking, what the hell is this good girl, and who is she? So, I asked who always asked for help…Google, and here is what Google told me about good girls.

Good Girl: A good girl is to be passive, submissive, and compliant. A good girl won't be solving problems, feeding the homeless, and making the world a better place. She's good by her own twisted definition of good. And anyone who doesn't adhere to her paradigm of goodness is most likely, in her mind, bad.

Every society on this planet has its version of a good girl. The version differs from country to country; however, the undercurrent is the same as what the definition said about good girls.

We love our good girls, but why? Why we are (‘we’ include both the genders.) so obsessed with them?

But first, let’s see the common characteristics of Good Girls:

Living for others: The main and the most important characteristics of a Good Girl that she lives for others; her whole life is devoted to others, especially to her husband and in-laws.

Being what others want you to be: A Good Girl is what others want her to be, especially the men in her life, obedient, submissive, and happy (nothing wrong in being happy, however here happy means looking happy not being), always available to serve others, and the list goes on and on.

“Me” is on the back foot: This is interconnected with the first point; her own self is served at last. She is never her own priority. Even if she looks nice and happy, it’s because to gives comfort to someone else. Not for her own good.

Compelled to behave like this for others' approval: Her behavior is always aimed to please others, get their approval, especially from the opposite gender.

She Avoids Drama: A Good Girl hates drama, not because of her personal dislike towards it, rather to provide comfortable surroundings for men.

She’s Not the Jealous Type: She is never the jealous type, not because she has overcome jealousy. It is just to make sure her man can be comfortable with others, and most importantly, to avoid drama.

She’s All About Compromise: A Good Girl is synonymous with Compromise. Her whole life is a compromise and she is proud of it.

She Takes Pride in Her Appearance: A Good Girl is always aware of her beauty and makes sure she looks nice all the time. Again, this is not because it is her choice, rather make sure when her man sees her; he sees a beautiful, happy face.

Humor: She has a great sense of humor, never cracks stupid jokes, doesn’t laugh loudly, always has a happy persona, and makes sure to never miss the chance at laughing at her man’s not-at-all funny jokes.

Down-to-Earth: Good Girls are down to earth, even if she is a rocket scientist. Now being Down-to-Earth is not a bad quality, however, for a good girl, the reason is not to come across overachiever or over-educated to her male counterpart.

She keeps only positive, uplifting people in her life: Now, last but definitely not the least, A GOOD GIRL IS A ROBOT. She is all positive, doesn’t have a single shred of negativity, always happy, loving, serving, compromising, and definitely not a human.

Now back to the main question, why do we love our good girls?

The answer is simple; in a male-dominated society (created by both men and women) a Good Girl serves men's need to feel superior and comfortable (and many more, directly or indirectly). And who doesn’t like to be served?

Lastly, I want to finish with a thought…

“You can't put everyone before you and call that love”

Monday, 27 April 2020

Kabir Singh and a Lazy Afternoon

Priyanka April 27, 2020 20 Comments

I was going through a very difficult time of my life when my friend (philosopher and guide) Debdatta suggested I should write and put it in a blog. She actually gave me access to her personal blog, and the lazy me didn’t do anything concrete with it.

After this lockdown, like many others, my husband is at home and eating my head along with sweets, biscuits, and every possible snack and bugging me to do something about my free time. My friends and this husband seem to have a lot of confidence in me that I will do something good in life; however, I am happy with my lazy ass.

Yesterday, after a heated argument, which I think my hubby won, he convinced me to write. Therefore, here I am trying to collaborate one of my favorite subject Psychology with not at all favorite character Kabir Singh.

Before I start, let me clarify that I am talking about the Kabir Singh as a character, not Shahid Kapoor the actor.

The primary criticism the movie received is that it is promoting misogyny and being anti-feminist. However, I found the main problem in the movie is: The director is promoting a mental illness as a masculine trait and fun qualities. Kabir Singh is clearly suffering from Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). It is a very much real disorder recognized by DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual). The DSM-5 defines the Intermittent Explosive Disorder as “recurrent behavioral outbursts representing a failure to control aggressive impulses.” (American Psychiatric Association, 2013)

From the very beginning of the movie till the end, there are multiple occasions where it is very evident that he needs some medical help, counseling, and medication. Having a mental disorder is not fun, like many other physical problems it needs to be treated. I actually felt like the director Sandeep Reddy Vanga trying to say like, “hey Kabir! You have a brain tumor (comparing IED with a physical disease to have a better understanding), it’s actually fun to have a deadly disease and the best part is you are not going to be treated, and most importantly, you are a doctor.”

For god’s sake get some treatment Kabir, you are a doctor, I am sure you know some good psychiatrist and they can give you some discount also. Anyhow, Kabir was consuming so many drugs; it won’t kill to replace them with some prescribed medicine.

I am sure after the treatment, people will not call you a misogynist, and even if you still behave like a jerk with girls, you can definitely do something about it and get improved. But first, consult a psychiatrist.

And lastly, let me tell you who the main villain in the movie is… Any guess…

It is that dean of that medical college, he asked Kabir to write an apology letter for his aggressive and violent behaviors and didn’t bother to understand that he is sick with IED and needs to visit a psychiatrist.

This is my two cents about Kabir Sigh. I hope I will not get back to my lazy routine and continue to write more.

Please suggest me something to write about. I struggle a lot with prospective topics.

Thanks

Friday, 18 October 2019

#SheSaid : Etching Our Thoughts in Ink

Lost in Translation October 18, 2019 0 Comments

Etching Our Thoughts in Ink

She was restless all day...

There was a growing need to grow out of her shell. It was almost like her current life was pressing on her as the old skin that she desperately needed to shed.

She went ahead and cleansed her inbox from people that no longer served her a purpose and who she could no longer relate to. After all, all relationships are a form of transaction - you give some to get some.

However the restlessness kept on growing. Was she only born to take responsibility, pay bills and then to die? No! She was made for much more.

As the night progressed, She felt this immense need to grow - grow out of this mess called life, to bloom and just love herself.

Since time She can remember, She has looked for love outside. In empty coffee cups, in unfinished messages that were never sent, in the inboxes of social media, in her call log...

Whenever she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw remnants of "What it could have been" and not "What it is." She was tired of looking.

She craved to feel whole - within herself. Collect all of her broken pieces and like Kintsukuroi (the centuries-old Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with gold), use love for herself to create a more beautiful and unique version of HER.

Till now she was waiting for someone to come into her life and complete her, to give her the love she craved, fulfill her with the love she deserves. But life has only offered her disappointments and lessons - not love and affection. It's almost like she is trying to step one foot forward while the other one is stuck in the murky waters of old memories and pain.

It was "Lokkhi Pujo" back home. Her mom said her dad got two lotus flowers for the puja, even though only one was needed. It was a sign! The flower lotus which occupies an unique position in art and mythology and is used as a key ingredient in Lakshmi Puja, can only grow in murky waters.

She remembered one of the lines from one of her favorite books by Sylvia Plath -

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”

She is there for herself even if no one is. She is strong, She is fire, She is love - She could hear her battered old heart beating loudly. She was finally ready to fall in love with the most important person she will ever meet, HER!

As soon as She woke up next day, She rushed to the first tattoo parlour that would take her call and etched her thoughts in ink.