Monday, 23 May 2022
Monday, 6 December 2021
#MondayBlogs - You Are A Slut
Mrs. B said these words with so much confidence and conviction that for moment I could not wonder but thought…
“Is she my master or something, that is telling me what to and what not to wear? At the same time, she is so generous to give me the permission to wear whatever I want to wear indoors.”
Again, who gets to decide what is revealing? In Afghanistan, wearing a Burka which does not cover your face is revealing. At the same there are beaches in the world where walking naked is not revealing.
This answer didn’t impress her. Rather it made her only more eager to prove her point that what I wear, I wear it to get negative attention (read sexual attention) from men.
Hence, she came at me with her big guns.
“Somewhere a four-year girl got raped by the milk man because her mom wore short clothes and the milk man couldn’t rape the mom, so he raped the little girl and killed her.”
WOW, I did NOT have a response to that. It is like my actions will cause something so horrible to my daughter that I can’t even imagine it even in my worst nightmare. And someone actually said this out loud.
Should I cry because of the pain she caused me or tell her to fuck off?
I don’t know what to do. I am numb. I left the premise.
After I reached home, my immediate response was immense anger. After I had calmed down, I realized what she was trying to do. She was trying to SLUT-SHAME me.
Slut-Shaming
Slut-shaming is the practice of criticizing people, especially women and girls, who are perceived to violate expectations of behavior and appearance regarding issues related to sexuality. The term is used to reclaim the word slut and empower women and girls to have agency over their own sexuality.
I know exactly why she was doing this, point to point, but this is not about her, it’s about all of the people who think it’s their birth right to slut shame others, especially girls.
Some Basic examples of slut shaming
Blaming the girl:
The most common way of slut-shamming is to tell the girl, it's your fault. Be it anything, for example someone making vulgar comments, leaking her pics online, raping her, inserting an iron rod through her vagina for far in that it reaches her heart… IT’S ALL HER FAULT.Mocking someone else’s sexual practices because to you, they are “weird.”:
Assuming a girl is only dressing up to impress guys:
Different stand for Girls and Boys:
Describing another woman — or yourself! — as being “like a guy when it comes to sex.”:
Not speaking up for each other:
Why Someone slut shame others
At the core of it all, those who engage in slut shaming usually believes that the whole existence of a woman is to please men, and who dress up in certain way, behave certain ways are not satisfied with one man. In other words, a good woman stays covered up and only pleases her husband even if she is not sexually satisfied.How to stop Slut Shaming
The solution is very simple: RESPECT INDIVIDUAL CHOICES.Well, after reading all this, if you still wondering what was I wearing to cause such response, please read it again.
"I use my talent AND my sexuality all the time because I choose to. Women can be sexual AND talented. Naked and dignified. It’s OUR choice," - Ariana Grande
Wednesday, 15 September 2021
I am a Man - #MyFriendAlexa
Now the point is, we all talk about female stereotypes, we all fight it in our own way (I hope we all do). But face it, female stereotypes are the real issue, but we also need to address the other elephant in the room, the male stereotypes. They are so interconnected that we can’t move forwards without addressing both issues.
According to various analysts and researchers, male characters fall within a range of stereotypes.
The most popular stereotypes of male characters are:
The Joker: The funny who no one takes seriously, he is there just for the comic relief, most importantly, no girl wants to date him.
The Jock: He is athletic, muscular, date the sexiest girl, is usually dumb, and sucks at studies.
The Strong Silent Type: He exudes strength by taking action without expressing or worrying about their emotions. He loves to deny his emotions and feelings. Denial is his poison.
The Big Shot: These are the people who think they are mighty or they are acting like they are better than everybody else when in reality they are not.
The Action Hero: This is the one with a savior complex. It’s his job to save someone, especially a girl. We see them everywhere with their inflated muscles and egos.
The Buffoon: Commonly described as a bungling father figure. They are usually well-intentioned and light-hearted, however completely hopeless when it comes to parenting, dealing with domestic or career issues.
However, when we dig dipper, one common theme in all the stereotypes are “be a man, suck it up,”
Let us see what are the most common male stereotypes:
Vulnerability: The biggest stereotyped male behaviour is showing Vulnerability. Hey are suppose to be the MAN, can’t ask for help, can’t show fear, he will not express his love, in short, a robot with muscles.
And when they actually ask for help, they have penalized for the challenge of this notion.
Emotions (Sadness): The only emotion a man is allowed to show is his anger. In various cultures, men are socialized to be stoic.
And when they show any other emotion other than anger they are showed with amazing adjectives like being pussy.
Love for Sports: Men are supposed to love sports, especially the aggressive ones, like rugby, football, basketball.
Control their woman: A man have to be in control of his home, especially his wife. If one can’t control their wife, it’s a big shame.
Modesty: Men are expected to be proud of their achievements. Research shows that men who were more modest about their qualifications were evaluated as less likable.
Now, what we can do about it…
The simplest answer here is to teach our children to be more compassionate to everyone, celebrate men who dare to express their emotions, broaden gender stereotypical roles, most importantly do not gender police.
Let’s start this discussion with the wise words of Nelson Mandela,
“We slaughter one another in our words and attitudes. We slaughter one another in the stereotypes and mistrust that linger in our heads, and the words of hate we spew from our lips.”
I am taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa.
Monday, 23 August 2021
#MondayBlogs - Crazy, Stupid, Love
Photo by How Far From Home from Pexels
“But I can feel your love, as strong as mine” – Arjun B
In short, we all desire love in some form or other, like friendship, parents, siblings, and most desired a lover’s love.
Today let's discuss love, the romantic, heartbreaking, passionate love.
But why do you desire someone?
It is not forever, it breaks your heart into million pieces, and it will make you cry on those lonely nights, where you feel closer to the dark sky and far from your lover.
Dilkashi (Attraction): The first of attraction, the first sigh of longing.
Uns (Attachment): At this stage, she is developing her interest in him and decides to woo her or just ignore him and give him the chance to woo her.
Mohobbat (Love): She starts feeling at top of the world, butterflies in her mind lost in thoughts of her beloved. This is the most euphoric of all stages.
Akidat (Trust): She started trusting him more than anything and anyone.
Ibadat (Worship): Her love reaches the extend of worshiping him.
Junoo (Madness): She finds her own identity incomplete without him, a stage of obsession.
Maut (Death): The final stage of love, DEATH, where the self-identity is completely lost.
Now back to the main question, why are we so crazy about love.....
Childhood Neglect: The theory the psychologist propose is that people who crave love usually do this because they grew up without affection or emotional intimacy. It’s like one needs to be holding them in their arms and tell them loving words. If this is the reason for the love, it feels like a black hole consuming them from inside.
Procreate Babies: German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer maintained that love, based on sexual desire and makes babies. This is the biological theory of the crazy need for love, creating a mini us in this oblivious world. This theory also tangled sex and creating babies. We love (read Sex) because our desires lead us to believe that another person will make us happy.
According to this, men like Ovulation women as they can reproduce.
I really don’t think the theory is enough to explain the mystery of love, anyhow, who doesn’t like sex.
Escape from our Loneliness: Well, we all relate to this. It’s like someone fills the vacuum that we are carrying. However, the type and loneliness various time to time, hence the type of lover. This quality is often seen in people with high emotional intelligence, poets, and writers.
প্রেম আসলে ছন্নছাড়া,
দৌড়ে বেড়ায় এদিক ওদিক,
শূন্য মন ভরায় যে,
সেই আমার তখন প্রেমিক।
A loose translation...
Love is aimless, roaming around all day. Whoever can fill the vacuum of my heart, is my love for the time being.
Love is Misleading affliction: Gautama Buddha said we love because we are trying to satisfy our basic desires of companionship. However, our passionate cravings are defects, and the end attachment even if it is romantic love, results in a great source of suffering.
Love lets us reach beyond ourselves: French philosopher Simone de Beauvoir proposed that love is the desire to be one with another and it supposes to infuse our lives with meaning.
She advised to love authentically; it is more like a great friendship. Like a mutual support system, each other in discovering themselves, reaching beyond themselves, and enriching their lives as well as the world, together.
Though it is literally impossible to know why we fall in love, one thing is certain that it’ll be an emotional rollercoaster ride.
We lose ourselves.
We find ourselves.
It might end in heartbreak or the best thing in life.
Hence, the moral of the story, love is the pain and is the cure and we humans are powerless in front of it.
“I cannot let you burn me up, nor can I resist you. No mere human can stand in a fire and not be consumed.” A.S. Byatt
Friday, 22 January 2021
Movies that I want my daughter to watch
The main purpose of showing her these masterpieces are is to make her learn what not to do in life.
The movie revolves around three characters:
Story of the Movie:
Conclusion:
Sonu is closeted Bisexual and Indian movies are far behind even showing Homosexual relationships; Bisexual theme in a movie is ages behind.
Friday, 8 January 2021
A Not So Good Girl
My three-year-old daughter drives me crazy with her activities and it is a daily thing in our home. And many a time, to my surprise, what I tell her is, “good girls don’t behave like this.”
But first, let’s see the common characteristics of Good Girls:
Living for others: The main and the most important characteristic of a Good Girl is that she lives for others; her whole life is devoted to others, especially to her husband and in-laws.
Being what others want you to be: A Good Girl is what others want her to be, especially the men in her life, obedient, submissive, and happy (nothing wrong in being happy, however here happy means looking happy not being), always available to serve others, and the list goes on and on.
“Me” is on the back foot: This is interconnected with the first point; her own self is served at last. She is never her own priority. Even if she looks nice and happy, it’s because to gives comfort to someone else. Not for her own good.
Compelled to behave like this for others' approval: Her behavior is always aimed to please others, and getting their approval, especially from the opposite gender.
She Avoids Drama: A Good Girl hates drama, not because of her personal dislike towards it, but rather to provide comfortable surroundings for men.
She’s Not the Jealous Type: She is never the jealous type, not because she has overcome jealousy. It is just to make sure her man can be comfortable with others, and most importantly, to avoid drama.
She’s All About Compromise: A Good Girl is synonymous with Compromise. Her whole life is a compromise and she is proud of it.
She Takes Pride in Her Appearance: A Good Girl is always aware of her beauty and makes sure she looks nice all the time. Again, this is not because it is her choice, rather makes sure when her man sees her; he sees a beautiful, happy face.
Humour: She has a great sense of humour, never cracks stupid jokes, doesn’t laugh loudly, always has a happy persona, and makes sure to never miss the chance at laughing at her man’s not-at-all funny jokes.
Down-to-Earth: Good Girls are down to earth, even if she is a rocket scientist. Now being Down-to-Earth is not a bad quality, however, for a good girl, the reason is not to come across overachiever or over-educated to her male counterpart.
She keeps only positive, uplifting people in her life: Now, last but definitely not the least, A GOOD GIRL IS A ROBOT. She is all positive, doesn’t have a single shred of negativity, is always happy, loving, serving, compromising, and definitely not a human.
Now back to the main question, why do we love our good girls?
The answer is simple; in a male-dominated society (created by both men and women) a Good Girl serves men's need to feel superior and comfortable (and many more, directly or indirectly). And who doesn’t like to be served?
Lastly, I want to finish with a thought…
“You can't put everyone before you and call that love”
Monday, 27 April 2020
Kabir Singh and a Lazy Afternoon
Before I start, let me clarify that I am talking about Kabir Singh as a character, not Shahid Kapoor the actor.
Please suggest to me something to write about. I struggle a lot with prospective topics.
Friday, 18 October 2019
#SheSaid : Etching Our Thoughts in Ink
Etching Our Thoughts in Ink
Whenever she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw remnants of "What it could have been" and not "What it is." She was tired of looking.
She craved to feel whole - within herself. Collect all of her broken pieces and like Kintsukuroi (the centuries-old Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with gold), use love for herself to create a more beautiful and unique version of HER.
Till now she was waiting for someone to come into her life and complete her, to give her the love she craved, fulfill her with the love she deserves. But life has only offered her disappointments and lessons - not love and affection. It's almost like she is trying to step one foot forward while the other one is stuck in the murky waters of old memories and pain.
“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”
She is there for herself even if no one is. She is strong, She is fire, She is love - She could hear her battered old heart beating loudly. She was finally ready to fall in love with the most important person she will ever meet, HER!