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Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts

Tuesday, 2 June 2026

Tarot and the Subconscious Mind (Without Any Woo-Woo) #TarotThursday

June 02, 2026

Mention tarot, and people tend to sort themselves into two camps. The first camp assumes you are trying to predict the future while the other assumes you’ve misplaced your critical thinking somewhere between a crystal shop and a moon ritual.


Neither of the reactions has much to do with how I actually use tarot.



I have never been interested in using Tarot to predict the future. I was always interested in why it works so well as a tool for self-reflection. Because whatever else tarot may be, it is remarkably good at helping people notice thoughts they didn’t realise they were having.

The other aspect that fascinated me was the relationship between tarot and psychology. I have come to think of tarot less as a mystical system and more as a language for the subconscious mind. A deck of cards cannot magically solve your problems. What it can do is present symbols, stories, and archetypes that encourage you to look at your life from a different angle.

Sometimes a different angle is all you need when you are overwhelmed by life.


We - humans - love storytelling. We understand ourselves better through metaphors, images, and narratives long before we understand ourselves through logic since the subconscious rarely speaks in bullet points. It prefers symbols, emotions, memories, dreams, and associations and tarot speaks that language fluently.

So through this article, let’s explore tarot as a psychological tool and why it works surprisingly well for self-reflection, and what it can teach us about the strange, symbolic language of the human mind.


Humans think in stories


We like to imagine that we’re rational creatures. Presented with evidence, we carefully weigh the options, analyze the facts, and arrive at logical conclusions. At least that’s the story we tell ourselves. Psychologists have spent decades showing that emotions, biases, intuition, and unconscious assumptions influence our decisions far more than we’d like to admit. Most of us don’t think our way through life nearly as much as we feel our way through it and then create explanations afterward.


Long before we understood neuroscience, we understood stories. We learned through myths, folktales, songs, and symbols. We recognise ourselves in fictional characters. We see our struggles reflected in novels. We hear a lyric and suddenly find language for something we’ve been carrying for years. That’s why a character like Kaladin Stormblessed resonates with readers battling depression. It’s why people see themselves in Shah Rukh Khan’s characters. It is why a song written by someone living on the other side of the world can feel strangely personal.


Stories give shape to experiences that often feel too complicated to explain directly an tarot works in much the same way.


A tarot spread is a collection of prompts and a symbolic story waiting for your mind to engage with it. And in that sense, tarot and psychology have more in common than most people realise.


Both help answer the question: What is happening beneath the surface of conscious awareness?


Symbols are the native language of the mind


If you’ve ever had a strange dream, you already know that symbols the subconscious mind rarely communicates in plain language. It doesn’t send a memo saying, “You are feeling anxious about change.” Instead, it gives you a dream about missing a train, losing your keys, or showing up to an exam you forgot to prepare for.


Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung believed symbols and archetypes form a bridge between the conscious and unconscious mind. Whether or not you agree with all of Jung’s theories, it’s difficult to ignore how naturally human beings respond to symbolic images.


Consider a few tarot cards:

  • The Tower often evokes ideas of disruption, upheaval, or sudden change.
  • The Hermit suggests solitude, introspection, and stepping away from external noise.
  • Death, perhaps the most misunderstood card in the deck, rarely points to literal death. More often it represents endings, transitions, and transformation.

Notice that of these meanings are fixed. The symbols create a framework, but the emotional response belongs to the individual looking at the card.


That is where the real conversation begins because when a symbol evokes fear, excitement, resistance, relief, or curiosity, it often reveals something that was already present in the subconscious mind. A tarot card simply helps uncover it.


Your response to a card is the point


When I first started learning the cards, I assumed the meaning lived inside the deck and after learning and working with it for over a decade, I think that the meaning lives inside the reader.


Imagine two people pulling The Fool. One person sees possibility. The other sees risk. One feels excitement. The other feels panic. The card hasn’t changed. Different people see it differently. And, even the same person can see it differently at different stages of their life.

And that is precisely why tarot for self-reflection can be so effective.


The value isn’t in discovering what the card means in some objective, universal sense. The value is in noticing your reaction to it. Some questions to ask yourself at this point would be:

  • Why does this image make you uncomfortable?
  • Why are you resisting this interpretation?
  • Why does this particular symbol feel surprisingly relevant?


Questions like these often reveal far more than the card itself.


In many ways, tarot functions like a psychological inkblot test with better artwork. The images provide a focal point and your subconscious supplies the associations. Then you find yourself talking about fears, desires, frustrations, hopes, and possibilities you weren’t consciously planning to examine because the cards gave your mind somewhere to start.


Can tarot help with self-reflection?


One of the biggest challenges with self-reflection is that we often don’t know where to begin. Sit down with a blank journal page and the mind can become surprisingly evasive.

  • How am I feeling?
    I don’t know.

  • What do I want?
    Also don’t know.
  • What’s bothering me?
    Excellent question.


For me, this is where tarot becomes genuinely useful. A tarot card changes the dynamic and gives you a way to ask better questions. Instead of staring at an empty page, you have an image, a symbol, a story to respond to. Maybe a card highlights balance or maybe it suggests withdrawal. It could point toward uncertainty too.


Whether the interpretation is “correct” becomes almost irrelevant as the image creates a doorway into reflection. A card can spark questions that otherwise wouldn’t occur to us.

  • What am I avoiding?
  • What am I holding onto?
  • Where am I resisting change?
  • What am I afraid of losing?

In that sense, tarot as a psychological tool that help illuminate thoughts that were already present, waiting patiently in the background of awareness.


Tarot for creativity


Of all the ways tarot can be used, this is the one I return to most often. When people imagine creative blocks, they often imagine a lack of ideas. In my experience, the problem is usually the opposite. There are too many ideas, too many possibilities and too many directions competing for attention.


A card can introduce a perspective I hadn’t considered. It can highlight a theme hiding beneath the surface of a writing project. (Where do you think this blog idea came from?) It can suggest a question more interesting than the one I was asking.


Sometimes I pull a card before writing and ask: What is this piece really about? The answer I give often reveals something I already suspected but hadn’t fully acknowledged. I’ve used tarot to explore characters, writing projects, relationships, and recurring life patterns. I’ve used it to understand why some stories stay with me long after I’ve finished them.

  • Why does a particular novel linger?
  • Why does a specific song refuse to leave my head?
  • Why does a fictional character feel so familiar?

Problem with predictive tarot


This is probably where some tarot readers and some skeptics will become equally annoyed with me.


Humans love certainty and we want guarantees. Especially when we are paying to get answers. We want to know whether we’ll succeed, whether we’ll be happy, whether we’re making the right choice, whether everything will work out in the end.


The future, unfortunately, remains stubbornly unwilling to cooperate. This is why predictive tarot is so appealing. It offers the possibility that uncertainty can be reduced, managed, or eliminated.


The problem is that uncertainty is part of being human and no card can remove it. No reader can provide permanent reassurance. If a tarot reading tells you exactly what will happen, there’s nothing left to explore. No questions left to ask. No responsibility left to take. Psychologically speaking, that’s not empowerment.


For me, tarot becomes most useful when it shifts the focus away from prediction and toward awareness.


Instead of asking: What will happen?

I find myself asking: How am I approaching this situation? What am I not seeing? What assumptions am I making?


Those questions may not predict the future but they often help improve my present.


Why skeptics and believers both miss the point


One of the most interesting things about tarot is that both its harshest critics and its most enthusiastic supporters sometimes make the same mistake by focusing on certainty. While the skeptic wants proof, the believer wants confirmation. Both look for definitive answers. And tarot isn’t particularly good at providing them.


The most valuable conversations I’ve had with tarot didn’t happen because a card made me notice something.

  • A fear I hadn’t acknowledged.
  • A pattern I kept repeating.
  • A possibility I had been ignoring.


In that sense, tarot occupies an interesting middle ground. You don’t have to believe the cards possess supernatural powers and you also don’t have to dismiss the experience as meaningless.


Sometimes a symbolic system can be useful simply because it encourages reflection. Not everything has to be either magic or nonsense. Some things are valuable because they help us pay attention. Tarot, for me, belongs firmly in that category.


Stories, Songs, Tarot Cards, and the search for SELF


The more I think about it, the more I suspect tarot isn’t as unique as people imagine. It’s simply one version of something humans have always done. We look for ourselves in stories, songs, films, and in works of art.


We hear a lyric and suddenly understand a feeling we couldn’t explain. We encounter a fictional character and recognise a struggle we’ve been carrying for years. We watch a film and walk away thinking less about the plot and more about ourselves.


Tarot operates through a similar mechanism. It presents symbols and asks us to engage with them. The meaning emerges from the relationship between the symbol and the person looking at it. That’s why two people can draw the same card and walk away with completely different insights.


The Deck is a mirror


Even after 10 years, I still don’t know whether tarot predicts anything and the older I get, the less important that question seems. What interests me now is why a collection of illustrated cards can so consistently reveal thoughts I’ve been avoiding, assumptions I’ve been carrying, or possibilities I haven’t considered.


Perhaps the answer lies in psychology. Perhaps it lies in storytelling. Perhaps it lies in the human tendency to find meaning through symbols and narratives. Or perhaps the answer is a combination of all three. What I do know is that tarot has become one of my favourite tools for self-reflection. Not because it provides certainty, but because it encourages curiosity. Not because it tells me what will happen next, but because it helps me pay attention to what is happening now.


The more I study tarot and psychology, the more convinced I become that meaning often emerges through interaction rather than instruction. A symbol means nothing until someone encounters it. A story remains dormant until someone sees themselves in it. The same is true of tarot.

Whether you call it psychology, symbolism, or intuition hardly matters.
What matters is that sometimes a deck of cards helps us see ourselves more clearly.



FAQs


- Can tarot help with self-reflection?

Yes, many people use tarot as a tool for self-reflection rather than prediction. The cards can encourage you to explore thoughts, emotions, assumptions, and patterns that may already exist beneath the surface of conscious awareness. In this way, tarot acts more like a prompt for reflection than a source of answers.


- Is tarot psychological or spiritual?

It can be either, depending on how you use it. Some people approach tarot as a spiritual practice, while others view it as a psychological tool that uses symbols, archetypes, and storytelling to encourage introspection. The two approaches are not necessarily mutually exclusive.


- How does tarot connect to the subconscious mind?

Tarot cards communicate through imagery and symbolism. Because the subconscious mind often responds strongly to symbols, stories, and metaphors, tarot can help surface thoughts and feelings that may be difficult to access through direct questioning alone.


- Do you need to believe in fortune-telling to use tarot?

No. Many people use tarot without believing it predicts the future. Tarot can be used for journaling, creative thinking, self-discovery, decision-making, and reflection. Its value often lies in the questions it raises rather than the predictions it makes.


- Can tarot improve creativity?

Many writers, artists, and creators use tarot as a creativity tool. A card can provide an unexpected perspective, suggest a theme, spark a story idea, or help you see a project from a different angle. Tarot can be particularly useful when you’re feeling creatively stuck.


- What is the difference between tarot and psychology?

Psychology is a scientific discipline that studies thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Tarot is a symbolic system. While tarot is not a substitute for therapy or psychological treatment, it can complement self-reflection by encouraging people to explore their inner experiences through symbols and archetypes.


- Is tarot related to Carl Jung?

Carl Jung did not specifically endorse tarot, but many tarot readers draw upon Jungian concepts such as archetypes, symbolism, the collective unconscious, and individuation. These ideas help explain why certain tarot images resonate so strongly across different cultures and individuals.


- Can tarot predict the future?

Some people believe tarot can offer insight into future possibilities. Personally, I find tarot far more useful as a tool for understanding the present. It may help illuminate patterns, assumptions, and choices, but it cannot eliminate uncertainty or guarantee a specific outcome.


Sunday, 9 March 2025

Interlude: Shadow by SUGA of BTS #DeepDive

March 09, 2025



Happy Birthday to Min Yoongi, better known as Suga of BTS and Agust D.


To celebrate, we’re taking a deep dive into Interlude: Shadow from BTS’s Map of the Soul: 7, a song that encapsulates the duality of ambition and fear, success and self-doubt.

Min Yoongi is a multifaceted artist who expresses himself through different personas—Suga, his stage name in BTS, and Agust D, his solo moniker. As Suga, his artistry leans toward polished, introspective storytelling that aligns with BTS’s themes of self-love, societal reflection, and personal growth. His work under Agust D, however, is rawer, unfiltered, and fiercely personal, often tackling themes of mental health, self-identity, and the struggles of fame.


This track, which serves as a pivotal moment in the Map of the Soul narrative, is heavily influenced by Carl Jung’s concept of the ‘shadow’—the repressed and often darker side of the self. Through its introspective lyrics, haunting production, and visually striking music video, Interlude: Shadow paints a visceral picture of the inner conflicts that come with fame. It also serves as an intersection between his two personas, blending the introspective vulnerability of Suga with the raw confrontation of Agust D.


The Shadow: A Concept by Carl Jung

Before delving into the song, let’s understand what Jung meant by the ‘shadow.’ Jung, a Swiss psychologist, described the shadow as the unconscious part of our psyche—comprising traits, fears, and desires we reject or suppress. Often, our shadow contains aspects of ourselves we may not want to confront, yet it inevitably influences our emotions and actions.

Jung’s concept of the shadow is part of a larger framework known as the Map of the Soul, which outlines the structure of the human psyche. This framework includes:

Persona:
The mask we wear to present ourselves to the world, shaped by societal expectations.
Ego: The conscious mind, the ‘I’ we identify with.
- Shadow: The unconscious self, where repressed desires and fears reside.
- Anima/Animus: The inner feminine side of a man (anima) and the inner masculine side of a woman (animus), representing deeper emotional truths.
- Self: The ultimate goal of personal growth, where all aspects of the psyche—both conscious and unconscious—are integrated into a balanced whole.

For an artist like Suga, who has climbed to unimaginable heights, the shadow manifests as fears of losing himself in success, of reaching the top only to feel more isolated than before. Interlude: Shadow is an open dialogue with this unseen self, questioning the cost of his ambitions and the parts of himself he may have suppressed in his rise to fame.


The Lyrics

The song’s opening lines are deceptively simple: “I wanna be a rap star, I wanna be the top”. These words echo the unfiltered ambition of a young dreamer. But as the track unfolds, the tone shifts: “Don’t let me fly, now I’m scared. Don’t let me shine.”—a plea that reveals the anxiety accompanying his rise. The shadow speaks, acknowledging that with great success comes the fear of falling.

One of the most haunting lines in the song—“But my growing shadow swallows me and becomes a monster”—depicts how unchecked ambition and fame can consume a person. This mirrors Jung’s idea that the shadow, when left unacknowledged, can overtake the self and become overwhelming.

As the song progresses, Yoongi acknowledges the inevitable clash between his desires and fears: “The moment I faced myself brought the lowest / It so happens that I'm flying the highest.” This paradox reflects the tension between his public success and private struggles. Facing one’s shadow can be painful, yet it is necessary for growth.

The lyrics also address an internal debate, with the shadow challenging him: “All the things you wanted, you've got it all / So what's the problem? Just enjoy it / Or just let it go, no? Then run, or stop / Don't whine, just choose one or the other.” These words sound almost mocking, as if his own mind is questioning why he cannot simply be satisfied with his achievements.

Toward the end, the confrontation reaches its climax: “We are one body, sometimes we will clash / You can never break me off, this you must know.” This is the moment of reckoning—Yoongi acknowledges that he cannot escape his shadow. It is a part of him, inseparable from his identity. The final acceptance, “Yeah, yeah, can't break me off, whatever you do / Yeah, you'll be at ease if you admit it too”, suggests that true peace comes from embracing one’s shadow rather than fighting it.

This duality of yearning and dread is a recurring theme in Agust D’s discography. In The Last, he lays bare his struggles with mental health and fame, while Amygdala unearths painful memories. Here, in Interlude: Shadow, he personifies the push and pull between his public persona and inner fears.

Check out the full lyrics here.


The Music

The production of Interlude: Shadow mirrors the song’s lyrical battle. It begins with a slow, almost hypnotic melody, reminiscent of a confession. As the track progresses, the beat intensifies, growing chaotic, echoing the sense of spiraling out of control.

Unlike traditional hip-hop tracks, Interlude: Shadow weaves elements of rock and electronic distortions, adding an unsettling, almost suffocating atmosphere. This distortion reflects the turmoil of an artist losing grip on his sense of self.

This sonic chaos is part of a larger thematic trilogy within Map of the Soul: 7, where Persona (by RM) explores the external self, Shadow (by Suga) delves into inner fears, and Ego (by J-Hope) embraces self-acceptance. RM’s Persona is bright and bold, reflecting the masks we wear to interact with the world. J-Hope’s Ego, on the other hand, is celebratory and upbeat, symbolizing acceptance of all aspects of oneself. Shadow sits between them—a confrontation with the parts of ourselves we’d rather ignore, serving as the bridge between wearing a mask and fully embracing one’s true identity.

The contrast in sound across these three tracks highlights their thematic connection. While Persona is energetic and declarative, and Ego is vibrant and optimistic, Shadow is brooding and tumultuous. Together, they create a complete arc—one that reflects Jung’s psychological framework, guiding the listener through the journey of self-discovery.



The Music Video


The Interlude: Shadow music video is a masterclass in visual storytelling, packed with symbolism that reinforces the song’s themes. Suga moves through a narrow, dimly lit corridor as faceless figures chase him—an embodiment of his mounting anxieties and the suffocating expectations that come with fame. The ever-present shadows, stretching and growing behind him, illustrate how inescapable these fears have become.

The corridor itself is reminiscent of British Indian sculptor Anish Kapoor’s installation Svayambh, which means “self-made” or “auto-generated” in Sanskrit. This parallel suggests that the internal struggle Suga faces is a product of his own mind, a battle he has created and must confront alone.

Six shadows line the hall, likely symbolizing the unseen presence of the other BTS members. In Jungian terms, they could represent different facets of his psyche—the fragmented self that fame has shaped. Later, the figure 8 from O!RUL8,2?encircles Suga’s dual selves, a visual echo of the infinity symbol. This reinforces the idea that the battle between light and shadow, self and ambition, is an ongoing cycle—one that may never truly end.


While we have explored the lyrics, music, and visuals separately, their true impact emerges in how they work together to embody the battle between Suga and his shadow. Jungian psychology emphasizes that the shadow is not an external force but an intrinsic part of the self—one that must be acknowledged, not eradicated. Together, these elements paint a complete picture of a man standing at the crossroads of ambition and fear. He cannot run from his shadow; he can only accept it.


Embracing the Shadow

Interlude: Shadow is more than just a song—it is a deeply introspective piece that lays bare the cost of ambition. Through its haunting lyrics, turbulent sound, and symbolic visuals, Suga brings Jung’s concept of the shadow to life, exposing the battle between the self we project and the fears we suppress. The song doesn’t offer easy answers because there are none. Instead, it presents the raw truth: the shadow is an inseparable part of who we are.

For Min Yoongi, this struggle is ongoing. As an artist who has climbed to staggering heights, he must constantly negotiate with his shadow, questioning whether success is worth the sacrifices it demands. Yet, through this confrontation, there is a glimmer of resolution. By acknowledging the shadow rather than resisting it, he takes a step toward self-acceptance. The final takeaway isn’t about conquering fears but understanding that they coexist with ambition—that light and darkness are two halves of the same whole.


Perhaps that is the greatest lesson Interlude: Shadow offers: we do not need to defeat our shadow. We only need to recognize it, listen to it, and learn from it.




FAQs

1. How does Interlude: Shadow relate to Carl Jung’s theories?

The song embodies Jung’s idea of the ‘shadow,’ the unconscious part of our psyche containing repressed traits and desires. By confronting his shadow, Suga reflects on the hidden fears and desires that come with fame, aligning with Jung’s belief in integrating the shadow for personal growth.

2. What is the significance of the imagery in the music video?

The music video features symbolic visuals, such as Suga walking through a dimly lit corridor with faceless figures, representing mounting anxieties and the pressures of fame. The growing shadows illustrate the inescapable fears that accompany success.


3. How does Interlude: Shadow fit into the larger narrative of Map of the Soul: 7?

Serving as a pivotal moment in the album, Interlude: Shadow bridges themes from previous tracks like RM’s Intro: Persona and j-hope’s Outro: Ego. It represents the confrontation with one’s inner fears, a necessary step before achieving self-acceptance and growth.


4. What musical elements are notable in Interlude: Shadow?

The track combines hip-hop with rock and electronic distortions, creating an intense and chaotic atmosphere. This soundscape mirrors the internal turmoil described in the lyrics, enhancing the song’s emotional impact.


5. Are there references to BTS’s earlier works in Interlude: Shadow?

Yes, the song and its visuals include nods to previous BTS eras, such as the O!RUL8,2? album. These references signify self-reflection and the group’s artistic journey, connecting past themes with current introspections.


6. What message does Suga convey through Interlude: Shadow?

Suga communicates that acknowledging and confronting one’s inner fears and desires is essential for personal growth. The song emphasizes that success and ambition come with inherent challenges, and embracing one’s shadow is a step toward self-acceptance.



Monday, 9 May 2022

#MondayBlogs - You are too sensitive!

May 09, 2022


Have you ever been told - ‘You are too sensitive’ by people you consider as friends and family? That you over-react to things and situations?

If your answer is yes, then this post is for you.

If you have said it to someone close to you, then this post is for you too!


I went into therapy after I separated from my husband to be able to manage my depression, hyper anxiety and panic attacks. And man, did that open a pandora’s box. I discovered that I am an empath. That is also when someone told me that it is not good to be an empath because empaths give too much of themselves to and for others. That I should seek therapy to learn how to ‘turn it off’. And seek did I… Not to learn to ‘turn it off’ but to understand it. 

Granted, why I am an empath doesn’t have a glamorous backstory to it. In fact it is downright sad. But what I now say is, Empathy is my super power, and no super hero ever had an origin story filled with rainbows and unicorns, neither is mine.

Being an empath means that I feel strongly and deeply. Not only that, I also absorb the energies around me, whether positive or negative, and often lock it in my body. At first, it was extremely difficult for me to understand what part of what I am feeling is my own and what part of it is something I am picking up from the people around. I struggle with that still, but I am trying to learn to control it, so that I do not have to feel overwhelmed and exhausted all the time.

It took me a lot of therapy to understand that being able to feel deeply and strongly is not a sign of weakness. My feelings and emotions are my own and nobody has the right to tell me what to feel or how to feel or how much to feel. 

In the past have been told that I am too sensitive and that I over-react far too many times. 

Sometimes from a well meaning friend who wished me well, but mostly from people trying to gaslight me (and succeeding) in order to avoid taking a look at their own actions. To the point where I started taking it as a personal character flaw and beat myself over it till I was exhausted. I started wondering if it would be so much better if I did not care at all.

That is, till I was was prescribed anti-depressants and I spent a week feeling nothing. 

When I am happy, I feel that strongly too. I laugh. I dance. I celebrate and I am loud. Nobody complains then or tell me that I am over reacting… because everyone loves to have a good time. Yet, when I feel sad or hurt or betrayed, I am told I am being too sensitive and over reacting because it is too much work to even consider that I am human, I have a heart, may be hurt and I have a right to feel however I feel.



Photo Credit: Brighter Places

If you are someone who has told people that they are too sensitive, take a moment and consider… why does it bother you that someone cares and feels?

Take a moment to stop and think what you are really doing by invalidating someone’s feelings.

I want you to think why do YOU feel the need to invalidate someone else’s feelings and what does it actually do for YOU?

Chances are that you are avoiding to take a look at you own behaviour or statements.
Chances are that the sensitive person in your life is absorbing your energies and putting it back up as a mirror to you.
Chances are that you are the one who doesn’t have the capacity to understand what you are putting the other person through.

Maybe, it is time for you to take a look inward rather than outward. 



For those of you who have been told these gaslighting statements, remember that empathy is not a bad thing. Being sensitive is not a problem that needs to be cured. We need more of it in the world - the feelings, the understanding and the want to help instead of stone cold indifference & destruction.

If someone says these things to you, look at it for what they are. BIG RED FLAGS. The person saying these things maybe saying these to make you doubt yourself so that their actions are not closely looked at. They may even be manipulating you unknowingly - but that is what it is in the bottomline - manipulation.

Being a sensitive person in today’s world is a blessing to the rest of the population. We understand exactly. We care. And we are human. 

So, next time someone tells you that you are too sensitive… own it ‘coz you feel and care when others don’t. That makes you a much better person. We could all do with more understanding and sensitivity!





Monday, 21 February 2022

#MondayBlogs - Walk Away... #Gaslighting #Survivor

February 21, 2022

 



What does it feel like?

To be told that what you experienced moments earlier, never happened.
To be told that everything is only in your head.
To be told that you were being too emotional.
To be told that you were over-reacting.
To be told that you were the one forgetting things.
To be told that you were not good enough for anything.
To be told that you were too stupid to ever succeed.
To be told that you were a waste of space and a terrible drain on resources.
To be told that you couldn't take a joke after constant body shaming.
To be told that it wasn't their intention to hurt you while repeating the same thing for the 100th time.
To be told that it was your fault that you were hurting.

Everyday…
For months…
For years…
For close to a decade!

At first I fought. I took it up as challenge. I tried to prove them wrong. 
But how does one fight something that is being planted in their mind and doesn't actually exist? How does one win a challenge that shouldn't have been placed at all? How does one prove something that shouldn't need to be proven in the first place? 
And how long does one have to fight (alone) and keep proving things?

I am sure I knew the answer while growing up. But then I fell in love - Yes, Blindly! - and lost my way in the tornado that my life was. Constantly working. From the moment I woke up, till I crashed into my bed.

Working (from home) a job, handling a household and shouldering the responsibility and welfare of 6 other fully grown adults, day after day… Working up to 18 hours a day to deal with everything (and never less than 12 hours a day) to be able to take care of all the responsibilities that were suppose to shared by your life partner, (yet you find yourself handling them alone) - 7 days a week and 365 days a year is bound to have some effect on a human being. Everyone knows that, right? Apparently not everyone.

Cooking, cleaning, meetings, and promotional activities - constantly laced with comments and rebukes that aimed at reducing the family nurturer, the 'ghar ki Lakshmi' in to something less than a sentient being still happens in the 21st Century.

All that along with intermittent love-bombing!

You go into a shell - the survival mode. Always being prepared and trying to reduce any chances of triggering another round of 'how useless you are tirade'. You start to dim that spark, that is so eternally you, so that every one else is under the spotlight while you hide in the shadowed corner. You do not let the spotlight be ever on you - even though it is your story, your life! Shrinking into a ball, not taking up space and yet making it easier for people to kick around.

And should you dare to question it, i.e., if you still have some semblance of self left, and ask why - the society around you (some even in guise of friends) will gather to remind you that all you are good for is to keep your mouth shut, adjust and compromise. A 'failure of a being' has no right to ask questions. You only get to continue to try and prove your worth in exchange of being 'allowed' to breathe.


Would you consider stop breathing if that is the only way to end the hurt and pain?

Many do!

But there is another way… Stand up, break the invisible shackles and walk away! 

(read invisible shackles as: expectations forced on you by those close to you and the society; the constant self doubt drilled into you; the crippling fear you feel; the unshakeable belief that you cannot make it on your own; the anxiety of how could ever do anything right on your own; the mind blowing concept of what will people say… in short - whatever it is that is holding you back in a life that is slowly sucking your spirit out.) 


It is hard! The hardest thing you will probably do... When you finally have had enough, and realise that staying on will eventually kill you, much before your time; and when other people will reiterate that all you can do is stay and compromise. Try and remember, that there ARE people who will support you and help you... So, keep at it till you find someone who'll throw the life jacket when you are drowning. And then, swim... swim for the shore - your life!


And it starts getting better almost immediately.


Its been over a year since I walked out… And, now all I know is what it feels like…


To be told that you are strong.
To be told that you are a heck of a fighter to have survived.
To be told that you are worth more than ten of them.
To be told that you are loving and caring.
To be told that you have a right to take up space.
To be told that you deserve to have your needs met.
To be told that you are inspiring.
To be told that you have an amazing sense of humour.
To be told that you are a responsible person.
To be told that your are a logical and practical person.
To be told that you are loved.
To be told that you are seen.
To be told that you are cherished.
To be told that you are wanted and desired.



It is good for your body. It is good for your mind. AND, it is the most liberating thing for your spirit.





Tuesday, 26 May 2020

My Mini Version and a Thoughtful Afternoon

May 26, 2020


Life is hard with a toddler, life is very hard with one toddler and one unofficial toddler (read: husband), and it is extremely difficult with both of them at home because of this lockdown. It’s almost like, if the lockdown goes on any longer, the mothers’ union will manage to create a vaccine to send their toddlers to school and office respectively.

My three-year-old daughter is a mini version of me. God! She is a smart baby; asking questions the entire time and challenging every single rule. All these questioning and challenging rules are fun when I am doing it, however, when a three-year-old refuses to listen to you and argue, it just drives me crazy. And the mighty husband enjoys the show from the front seat.



While having a crazy quarantine, I was thinking about my pregnancy and what struck me most is that I wanted a boy child and I am not ashamed of it.

My whole life, I really considered myself a feminist, and most of my actions reflected that. One of the best compliments I ever received is from my MBA classmate who called me a true fearless feminist.

But when I became pregnant the first thing that came to my mind was that I wanted a boy. And that very thing felt so damn wrong. On one hand, I claimed to be a feminist, belief in equality, and on the other hand, I wished to have a boy. I should have been wishing for a healthy baby, irrespective of the sex of the baby.

That very thought haunted me for days. On Surface, It seems like I just want a boy child. But it was only when I dug deeper that I discovered the real reason why I wanted a boy child.

One thing is very clear in our society, not only in India but the whole world, it is primarily a male-dominated society whether we like it or not. Still, there are some people, called feminists (I swear to god, it sounds like an abusive word nowadays) who still dare to believe in equality, striving for a society, which is based on equal rights, equal choice, and equal opportunity. In most cases, the work of feminism was concentrated on the independence of women, women empowerment, equal pay, equal job opportunity, equal opportunity for education, etc. And we have created a generation of ladies who are independent, smart, intelligent, and ready to take on any responsibility and do what is needed.

No matter what, one thing we all can agree, the two genders are an equal part of our society, and in order to achieve holistic growth we need to address both genders, only making our girls independent won’t solve the problem. However, men, in general, are not used to such independent women. Someone once told me, you are too smart to be a woman. And he received a very polite reply from me, i.e. “you are too dumb to be a man”. Sadly, this answer does not even come close to generate a real change in our society.

What we mothers, parents' families really have to do is construct a generation of men who are ready for independent women, take them as their friends, wife, sister, mother, and not be afraid of their intelligence.

And that is the reason for me wanting a Boy Child. I wanted to raise a man who treats all humans equally, who is very good at household work, earns his own living, takes care of a baby, in short, can do everything a woman can do.

All human beings are equal, but the challenge here is to raise men who are equal to women. 

My mini version of me sleeping beside me, while I am writing this, and I am proud of her for every smart little things she does, for every question she asks and challenges the societal gender norms in her own kiddy way, I still want to raise a boy to show the world that there is a man who can cook, clean, wash, babysit, work, earn, love and be a MAN.