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Showing posts with label Random Musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Musings. Show all posts

Wednesday, 22 September 2021

My Seasonal Lover - #MyFriendAlexa

September 22, 2021 52 Comments



My plane landed around 5 AM on an October morning in 2018. I am in a new city and I have to call it home for the next few years. I was happy to finally leave Hyderabad, but not sure what to expect from this new city.

I got my language and came out of the airport. I knew that nobody is coming to pick me up, still hoped to see a familiar face. Mr. Anirudh Gaurav said he can’t pick me up for some reason, I forgot the reason, however, remember I was mad.

A grey, gloomy and rainy city welcomed me with not much enthusiasm. I never disliked a rainy day like this.

I booked my Uber and patiently waited outside the airport. My Uber came and I started my journey into this new city. I more I entered the city, the more I hated it. I finally reached my destination, MVP Colony. Gaurav was there to receive me, but to my surprise, what welcomed me is the Devil’s Tree, in front of the hotel.

It was like Durga Puja welcoming me outside Kolkata. I was in love.

Gaurav left for work, and I began my hunt for a new home (rented house). I roamed every lane, every street of MVP colony. And every corner there was a Devil’s Tree waiting to tempt me with its smell. I was trying to get some flowers from the tree and some lady told me not to, as it is poisonous.

And in my mind, the smell of the flower is my poison. I don’t know how dangerous this is for asthma patients, but this is definitely harmful to me. It makes my desires run wild. No kidding it’s called the seductive Casanova of smells.

The smell would arrive every year, during Durga Puja (September end to October) stay till December to wish me on my birthday. I reached this new city in October and thank God it was October. Otherwise, how would I know Devil’s Tree will be waiting for me with open arms.

The smell takes me back to my teenage years. Someone would be waiting for me and I was ignorant enough to ignore him. The smell takes me to my first love, first heartbreak, and first tears of pain.

Yet, this smell is so toxic for me that I can’t simply imagine Durga Puja or winter without it.

Then the unavoidable happens, by the time winter is over, the smell leaves me like a seasonal lover. I am heartbroken and missing my love. I try my best not to embrace the last hint of the smell, as I know it will leave me high and dry.

Yet how can I not, long for it as long it’s there, it’s like the forbidden lover. He is toxic, poisonous, going to leave me to suffer for sure, yet so passionate with his love and desires.

It’s been three winters. The air, the streets, and the people feel much familiar to me now. I have made it a home, my Vizag.  

Yet in those lonely nights in my balcony, I long for my poison. I am madly in love with this toxic flower called Chatim Ful (in Bengali) and last but not least, a poisonous someone. It’s so difficult to reason with my feelings. What I know for sure is I want him. And he can't be mine, ever. A pain I endure with all my affection. 




I am taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa.


Tuesday, 22 October 2019

You get the Best of Me!

October 22, 2019 3 Comments



You get the Best of Me!


Don't you just hate it? Hate that you absolutely need to appear in front of the world with the best version of yourself all the time? We put on our polished shoes, pressed shirts and perfectly drawn eyelids to dazzle this world with that perfect smile. God forbid it's one small misstep any morning and the entire world starts questioning us.

It's like that apple on the kitchen's center table, which we wipe a little bit and check for any signs of rot before the guest comes over for brunch on Sunday mornings.

We always need to be the funniest in the room, always come forth with pre-qualified skills and awesome connections in our social interactions. The funny by-lines from the latest Netflix series, or insightful comments about the latest economic development and GDP growth decides whether we can partake in social interaction. As long as we can regurgitate gigabytes of data on history, geography, politics who would actually do a deep dive and see, we have all become basically a source of mass information but unfortunately don't have much wisdom.

Why are we so afraid to appear as simple "US"? You know the us - the average you and me who may not always have the answers. Who may have forgotten to draw the perfect lip line, or may be not feeling like ironing the creases off their shirt sleeves. Are we so afraid to be rejected by this seemingly perfect society?

Tell you what - it's the same reason why we would pass by the window display at Burberry and simper at the latest collection, while Big Bazaar's "sasta and tikao" display doesn't stop us on our tracks. It's why, in the produce section, we search for the shiniest bunch of apples and a small amount of harmless discoloration is less than ideal for us.

It's afterall a "man eat man" world! Even for everyday social interactions, it's as if people are asking, so what do you bring in the mix? The society doesn't give a fuck about the fact that you are feeling a little "less" today - that you may be feeling a little unfunny, doubting your last punchline.

In moments of faux pas like this, we all straighten our ties, smoothen the frizz at the back of our hair and look society in the eye and say "Darling, you always get the best of me."