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Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts

Saturday, 26 April 2025

8 Things You Should Know About Freelancers (That No One Talks About) #ShoutoutSaturday

April 26, 2025 0 Comments

Freelancers: the mythical creatures who work in pajamas, make boat loads of money in two hour workdays and have so much free time that they’re basically always on vacation, right?

Wrong.

If you’ve ever wondered what freelancers really do all day or assumed they’re just chilling at home “between gigs." From unstable income to zero boundaries and clients who think exposure is currency, freelancing is equal parts freedom and chaos. If you have ever looked at a freelancer and thought, “Wow, they have so much free time!” or “Must be nice not having a real job,” allow me to introduce you to the real freelance experience. Yes, we can technically work from anywhere, but that mostly means we’re working from everywhere; including our desks, or the bed,  or at the dinner table, or during our vacation, and sometimes even in our dreams. Sure, we don’t have a boss in the traditional sense, but we do have clients. And unlike a single boss at a full-time job, freelancers get the privilege of juggling multiple bosses at once. And it is important to remember that each 'boss' comes with different demands, deadlines, and urgent last-minute revisions.




And let’s talk about that so called financial freedom. Some months, we might feel like kings, making six figures and treating ourselves to something nice (like…paying rent on time). Other months? We stare into the abyss of our empty bank account, wondering if exposure can truly pay the bills.

Whether you are a fellow freelancer nodding in pain-laughter or someone trying to understand why your freelance friend never replies to your quick messages during the day, here are the top things you need to know about the reality of freelancing life.
Ah, freelancing, the dream job where we wake up at noon, work for an hour in our pajamas, and then spend the rest of the day binge-watching shows while money magically appears in our accounts. At least, that is what a lot of people seem to think. Reality? A lot less glamorous.

So, before you assume your freelancer friend/family is just hanging out at home doing nothing or has endless time to grab lunch on a Tuesday, here are a few things you should know.

1. You’re Always Free, Right?

One of the most common myths about freelancers is that we’re always available; for anything and everything. The assumption being “we don’t have a real job.” Since we work from home (or cafés, or hill stations, or the beach), people assume our schedules are flexible enough to squeeze in weekday brunches, errands, and last-minute hangouts.
Here’s the spoiler: We’re NOT free. We’re just not commuting to an office.
Freelancers manage multiple clients, meetings, invoices, taxes, deadlines and sometimes all of the above in one day. We wear all the hats required to make things work. We have to be the writer, the designer, the accountant, the admin, the therapist (mostly for ourselves)… which means our calendars fill up fast. We usually end up eating our meals at our worktable while checking emails and reading documents. Taking a spontaneous break for a lunch with family often means making up for it with a work sprint that goes past 12 midnight.
So next time you say, “But you can just do it later, right?”, please try to remember, if we don’t work, we don’t get paid. And if we keep skipping work to socialize, we might just end up permanently free and broke.

2. You Must Be Making a Lot, Right?

Here is another freelancing myth that just won’t die: that we make loads of money by working maybe a couple hours a day. While it is true that some freelancers earn well and do have flexible schedules, the full picture is a lot more complicated.
The reality is that the freelance income is wildly inconsistent. One month, we might hit six figures and the next, we are breaking out our piggy-banks and refreshing our inbox waiting for a client to “confirm the project.” There are no guaranteed paycheck, no paid leave, and definitely no HR department to chase overdue payments.
Yes, some of us charge a premium rates. Yes, we hustle constantly for every rupee. But freelancing isn’t a get-rich-quick scheme that most people think it to be. It is a high risk, high stress, do-it-yourself kind of job. If stability is your thing, freelancing will keep you up at night (and not just because you’re working with clients in five different time zones).

3. It Must Be Great to Not Have a Boss

One of the biggest misconceptions about freelance life is that we are “free from the boss.” While that is technically true that we don’t report to a single manager. But in reality? Every client becomes a boss with their own deadlines, expectations, and “just one quick edit” requests at 11 PM.
Freelancers don’t have a boss… we have multiple bosses. And sometimes, they are way worse than any corporate micromanager. They ghost, delay payments, change briefs mid-project, or expect fast turnarounds because they think you’re not doing anything else.
Sure, we have more autonomy. But with that comes juggling priorities, client personalities, and self-management. This honestly requires more patience than dealing with one annoying boss in a regular 9 to 5.

4. Must Be Nice to Work in Your Pajamas All Day

The whole freelancers work in pajamas all day trope sounds cute until you realize that wearing pajamas while working usually means your brain stays in sleep mode too.
Yes, some of us do work in comfy clothes and sometimes we do not even comb our hair in the mornings, but freelancing isn’t a Netflix and nap lifestyle. Just like a ‘real job’, we have to deal with client meetings, strategy sessions, deadlines, and tasks that demand focus. And trust us, showing up to a Zoom call in PJs isn’t exactly a confidence booster.
Most seasoned freelancers swear by getting dressed for work, even if it’s just swapping to specific pajama bottoms for real pants. Because when your bed, your desk, and your fridge are all within five steps of each other, you need every trick to stay productive and professional.



5. Boundaries? What Boundaries?

One of the less glamorous truths about freelancing is how easy it is lose balance and the complete and utter collapse of work-life balance is just a domino away. When your home becomes your office, boundaries go out the window. Suddenly, replying to emails at midnight or taking client calls during dinner becomes absolutely normal.
Friends and family often don’t help either. They assume that because you “work from home,” you’re always reachable. But in reality, freelancers constantly battle distractions, irregular hours, and an inability to fully switch off.
Setting boundaries as a freelancer isn’t a nice-to-have. It is about survival. Because without them, burnout shows up dressed like a cozy blanket and a to-do list that never ends.

6. You Can Just Say No to Bad Clients, Right?

In theory, freelancing means choosing your clients. In reality? Bills exist.
Saying “no” to bad clients sounds empowering, and sometimes, it is. But during dry spells, when income is low or rent is due, freelancers often take on work they know will be painful just to keep the cash flowing. Red flags get ignored. Payment delays become part of the job.
The luxury of turning down bad clients only comes with financial stability. Until then, many freelancers juggle tricky personalities, unrealistic timelines, and underpaid gigs; all the while smiling politely and hoping for better next month.


7. Vacations Are a Lie

You know what’s more stressful than working? Not working… when you’re a freelancer.
Taking a vacation sounds simple enough. Just unplug and relax, right? Except, freelancers don’t get paid leave. No work equals no income. And unless you’ve prepped content, scheduled emails, briefed clients, and wrapped up all deadlines in advance, your “vacation” will be haunted by work guilt and Slack notifications.
Even on the usual national holidays, freelancers can be found checking emails “just in case,” fielding urgent edits, or mentally calculating how much this break is costing them in lost billables.
So yes, we can take a vacation. But it often comes at the price of peace, pay, or both.

8. Despite Everything, We Actually Love It

Here’s the final twist in the tale: despite the chaos, the hustle, the unpredictable income, and the never-ending client emails… we freelancers absolutely love what we do.
We love the creative freedom, the flexibility to work from anywhere, and the ability to build something that’s ours. We love choosing the projects we care about and avoiding the politics of traditional workplaces. Even on our worst days, we know we traded the 9 to 5 grind for a shot at something more meaningful.
Freelancing isn’t perfect. It’s messy, demanding, and sometimes downright exhausting. But for those of us who choose this path, it’s still worth it.

Every single time.


If you have read this far and still think freelancers are just glorified couch potatoes living off passive income and good vibes… Congratulations! you have clearly been talking to our relatives.

Here’s the truth: freelancing is not some magical loophole in capitalism where people get rich while binge-watching Netflix in pajamas. It is unpredictable, unglamorous, and frequently exhausting. It demands strategy, self-discipline, resilience, and the occasional emotional breakdown over an unpaid invoice. We juggle deadlines, pitching to new clients, chasing the old ones for payments, and somehow still get labelled as the one ‘who does not have a real job’. After all is said and done, for reasons even we don’t fully understand, we love this chaotic little career path. Maybe it’s the freedom. Maybe it’s the caffeine. Maybe we’re just built different.

So the next time someone tells you they’re a freelancer, resist the urge to ask if they’re “still doing that little thing from home.” Instead, maybe offer them a coffee. They’ve probably been up since 6 AM working on three different projects while also being their own admin, marketing head, and IT support.

Freelancing isn’t a hobby. It’s a full-time job, and then some.




Thursday, 2 January 2025

#WOTY - Word of the Year 2025

January 02, 2025 0 Comments

 

When Oxford announced manifest as its Word of the Year, it made sense. Manifesting has become a movement, a buzzword, a practice people swear by to bring their desires to life. Everywhere I looked, there were books, posts and ads on how to manifest what you want in life. It’s a beautiful idea—the act of turning thoughts into reality, creating the life you want through intention and action.

But here’s the thing: to manifest, you first need a vision. And to have a vision, you need a dream.



I started 2025 with 4 words/advice from 2 of my favourite artists -

Hard Work: Shah Rukh Khan is known to be the hardest worker in the industry. From day 1 till now, he is known to come into work like it is his first day. Eager to learn and hungry to achieve. He has also mentioned it in many of his speeches. I have always been a hard worker, always hustling, but this year my hard work is going to be very focused and I shall continue learning.

I Am The Best: Once again, from SRK - the King of manifesting before 'manifesting' became a thing. He says that even though he is sometimes nervous and doubtful, he wakes up saying 'I am the best' to himself because if he doesn't believe it himself, why should the world acknowledge it. So, all the whispers and the niggling thoughts planted in my brain by others that keep saying 'maybe because I am not good enough?' - will have zero place in my mind this year. Believing that 'I am the Best' will let me be my best.

- Futures Gonna Be Okay: No matter how good and confident you are and no matter how good you are at keeping yourself motivated - a little encouragement and positivity from others from time to time; especially on the hard days, can help you. So, am gonna take Agust D's words from D-Day very seriously.

Future's gonna be okay (Okay)
Okay, okay, look at the mirror and I see no pain (No pain)

- Dream: Well, that is what this post all about; my word of the year. So read on...

Dreams are like the seeds, the starting point where the life you imagine begins to take shape. Without a dream, the act of manifesting is like trying to build a house without a foundation. And so, as I start this new year looking forward to a little bit more of healing, growth, and rediscovery, I’ve decided to go back to the very beginning and make dream my Word of the Year.


Reclaiming the Word ‘Dream’

Whether it is due to the trajectory of my own life or the society around us, my ability to dream was suffocated by an atmosphere of suppression, manipulation and gaslighting. Whether it was the general attitude of people or very directed projections of people, {some of you might be able to relate to it} but trying to live up to the expectations and the image of a 'good girl/woman' was very suffocating. Somebody else always took the priority - their expectations and needs always came first because a good girl always puts others first. 

Dreams were dangerous in that world—either dismissed as foolish or selfish. Survival took precedence over imagination and by the time I realised that I had hit the rock bottom, I realised it was because I was never anyone's priority and that hypocrisy finally taught me to put myself first. Now, having stepped into relative freedom, I realize how crucial dreaming is. It’s not just about imagining a better future; it’s about reclaiming the right to hope, to desire, and to create a different life for myself.

Dreaming is my way of rewriting the narrative that once kept me small. It’s a declaration that I am no longer living in the shadow of someone else’s story.


A Year of Dreams

This year, my focus is on nurturing my ability to dream, starting with small steps:

1. Dream - Healing

Every dream I allow myself is an act of defiance against the years I was told to put it on hold or that I couldn’t. Dreaming is a way to heal the wounds of doubt and fear, replacing them with hope and possibility.

2. Dream - Rediscovery

- What does freedom look like for me?
- What do I truly want?
- What do I actually love?
- How much am I actually capable of?
Dreaming is my way of exploring these questions and learning to embrace my desires unapologetically.

3. Dream - Freedom

Freedom, like happiness is relative. I still have responsibilities that I can not ignore and limited resources. So, there are still some boundaries. But how can I use the freedom that I have? How far can I really go? But I can Dream and I do have the freedom to choose how to live my life - what responsibilities I truly want and what resources I want to use.

What My Dreams Look Like Now

Dreams don’t have to be grand to matter. For me, they are about building a life that feels authentic, fulfilling, and whole. Little things that makes choosing happiness everyday everyday. Right now, they look like:

  • Becoming healthy in both body and mind. 
  • Waking up every morning with a sense of purpose.
  • Growing my career in a way that aligns with my values.
  •         Finding out what it is that I genuinely enjoy.
  • Surrounding myself with people who genuinely support and uplift me.
  •         Leaving behind people who only add negativity and unrealistic expectations.
  • Continue traveling to places I’ve only ever seen in pictures.
  • Writing my story—and no I don't mean on pen and paper, but to own it and honor my journey.



An Invitation to Dream

If manifesting is about bringing your dreams to life, then dreaming is the foundation where it all begins. If you’ve ever felt like dreaming wasn’t for you—whether out of fear, doubt, or survival—I understand. But I also know that reclaiming the ability to dream is transformative.

This year, I invite you to join me in making dream your focus. Let it inspire you to imagine the life you want, to rediscover your hopes, and to plant the seeds of possibility.

Because no matter how much time you’ve lost, it’s never too late to dream again—and to let those dreams take flight.




Tuesday, 6 February 2024

#WOTY – Word of the Year 2024

February 06, 2024 0 Comments

I know I am very late in posting about my ‘Word of the Year’ as we are into February as I start writing this. Fact is, I had decided on the word in 2023 but I took the month of January to analyse what it would really mean; start living in accordance to that and see whether it is something I can carry on not only for this year but for rest of my life. Whether it is something truly feasible and sustainable. 

I have always been proud of the fact that I can see multiple perspectives in a situation. I may not truly understand each of them, but I do see them and try to understand them. When I got this Tattoo, it was to remind myself that there are multiple perspectives in every situation and that it doesn’t make my personal experiences wrong or insignificant. That I had every right to believe in my own perspective of my experience. That my feelings weren’t wrong just because someone else couldn’t see it nor were other people’s feelings wrong because I couldn’t understand it.


Back then I used to take pride in the fact that I could see the perspective of the person in front of me and cut them slack because of it. Yes, you read that right. I USED TO take pride in that. I no longer do because I came to realise that while I was trying to be kind and understanding towards other people - it meant (most of the time) being unkind and unfair to myself. I was the collateral. When I realised that late last year, I turned inwards and started being kind to myself instead. It wasn’t a conscious decision - it just started with ‘I don’t want to deal with this negativity anymore’ and it has brought me more peace than I expected.



In a world that constantly demands our attention, it's easy to lose sight of our own needs and desires. I want 'Perspective' to offer the opportunity to shift the focus inward, creating a space for self-reflection and introspection. I realised that my life is filled with noise. So is your’s, I am sure. If you stop and take stock of the responsibilities, the expectations of others, societal pressures, the constant influx of information, the general confusion and lack of focus around us - you’ll see how exhausting  and completely useless it really is. And, your personal growth is often stunted due to it. 

So, this year I have started to turn the lens inwards and ask myself - ‘do I want/need this’ and ‘is this good for me’ very consciously about every single thing. Whether it is good or bad - everything will be questioned and acted upon. I will slowly filter out the unnecessary and hone in on what truly matters to me and my own well being. Instead of being overly critical of myself, I will try to view my experiences through a lens that acknowledges my handwork, learnings and growth. I will continue to learn more things and subjects so that I can use it to understand myself better and make my own life better.

I know that I am going to disappoint a lot of people around me and am ready for people to start calling me selfish for not giving them time, space and understanding any longer. And, that’s okay.




Thursday, 10 August 2023

Embracing Self-Care and Self-Love: A Deeper Perspective

August 10, 2023 0 Comments


The concept of self-care and self-love has gained immense popularity. It is everywhere. People are talking about it across all social media platforms and  you hear about it in everyday conversations. However, if you really pay attention, it becomes quite apparent that many people discuss it without fully understanding it.

We have all been guilty of this at times - talking up things that we learn before understanding it completely. Personally, I too have been advocating for self-care for almost five years. Though with each passing year I have learnt and discovered more ~ its been a journey of continuous reading, watching, and learning.


Defining Self-Care / Self-Love

In the past, I would have described self-care as taking a little time out to pamper oneself. It could be something as simple as perhaps enjoying a cup of tea alone in the morning or indulging in a yearly body massage. But my understanding was limited to those small acts.

Despite these check-ins with myself, I rarely took meaningful action to address my physical and mental state. I would acknowledge the need for a break but felt burdened by responsibilities and obligations, convincing myself that putting myself first would be selfish. This mindset that the society has taught us, especially women, led me down a path of constant work, stress, and neglecting my well-being while taking care of everyone else until I experienced a severe burnout.

Looking back, I now realize that my understanding of self-care was superficial. While pampering oneself occasionally is essential, genuine self-love often demands more from us.

Discovering True Self-Love

Authentic self-care might sometimes push us to give ourselves the space we generously offer others; listening to and honoring what our minds and bodies are telling us. At times, it may even require us to embrace discomfort by being "selfish" enough to take that much-needed break or say no when we are already overwhelmed.

Self-love can also be painful, as it might require us to let go of relationships that no longer serve us or removing sources of negativity around us -even if they are friends or family.

However, before dismissing this as mere selfishness, consider three vital aspects:
The Definition of Selfishness: Is it selfish to listen to our minds and bodies, take a break from time-to-time, or set boundaries? Such steps are crucial for maintaining our well-being.
Who Defines Selfishness: If society deems these acts as selfish, reflect on whether those same people will support you during your darkest times or help pay your bills or help you with your mental and physical health needs.
The Importance of Self-Love: Without self-care, it becomes challenging to achieve our dreams or take care of others effectively. We must nourish ourselves to be capable of giving to others.



Embracing Self-Love: A Call to Action

At the core of it, self-love is about showing up for yourself every day and in every moment. It means saying no to things that don't align with our interests, cutting ties with toxic individuals, and prioritizing our well-being before caring for others.

As I look back on my enthusiasm for self-care when I first learnt about it without fully understanding its depth, I now realize the importance of introspection. By looking within, we can understand what our body and mind truly need. Only then can we start working on how to fulfill those needs without causing harm to others.

While this article provides insights into self-care and self-love that are my personal opinion from reading, learning, and experiencing things in own life, I suggest you to conduct further research and tailor these principles to suit your unique needs and personality.

Remember, genuine self-love requires continuous growth and understanding, making it a personal journey for each individual.




Thursday, 6 April 2023

Winter Nights - #ThirstyThursday

April 06, 2023 1 Comments

 



A torn jacket belongs to someone else

Smells like old spice and sweat

Giving me all the warmth needed to survive this lonely, cold night

While I dream of the dream.


An overused t-shirt, 

So big, it could fit both of us…scent of tears and ocean

Hugged me in those nights

You were too busy to look at the starts


A second-hand copy of my favorite book

With blemish yellow pages and taste of old monk

Provided me with the comfort, I was looking in you

While I sleep, in the lap of clouds





Monday, 13 March 2023

Home - #MondayBlogs

March 13, 2023 1 Comments


 The light is what guides you home, the warmth is what keeps you there. - Ellie Rodriguez



A messy hair bun, a laptop, an overused notepad, a mobile with a Joker back cover, and a blue pen, this has been my life for the last 3 years. No matter where I am, these treasures never leave me to take a hard day alone or to smile with me on the sunny ones.

I am sitting on my bed, thinking about squeezing in some workout (well, thinking about it for the last 5 years, still haven’t started) while a familiar face is smiling at me. Mr. Khan (The King Khan), has been there on my wardrobe for as long as I could remember, and he has never failed to make me feel good about myself, even on those days, when I can’t even get out of bed.

This bed, this wardrobe with Shahrukh pic on it, used to be my home, not my room, but home. However, last few years, there is a thought in the back of my mind, hiding in the dark corner, peeping from time to time.

And finally decided to address it head-on.

Where is my Home?

Since I could remember, the room, I had in our old, dampy, half-broken railways quarter was my world. I had an old radio. I used to listen to Radio-Mirchi nonstop on it. My favorite show was when they used to play old Hindi songs (I forgot the show's name). I loved that tiny corner beside the radio, listening to songs, dreaming of dreams, and hoping for a place of my own to call HOME.

That dampy room was the witness to all my firsts, endless chatter with friends, my first journaling, first love, first heartbreak, my exams, sleepless night, and on and on.

And then the inevitable came, I left my hometown; Kolkata, to pursue my MBA in Hyderabad. I stayed in college hostels, and working women’s hostels, and shared a flat with roommates. But never, ever, I felt at home.

Then I got married, and rented beautiful flats for living, still, what was the thing missing…I still couldn’t figure it out. It’s like…

I have been to the unknown and felt most lost when I reached home.


No matter how comfy the bed is, and how familiar the faces were, I was not home. I have taken deep dives into the darkest corners of my mind, yet could never find an answer to the ever-haunting question…where is home?

I am still looking for my home, and I have no idea….

what is it or where is it or never the less who it is?

Over the years I have realized, my home was that corner beside the old shabby radio, my home was the salty torn bedsheet, the picture of Shahrukh.

What I have been looking for, for the last 13 years is not an address, but rather a warm cozy hug from you (Who are you?) to drench my soul with love.

The teenage girl, in that homey little corner, with stars and moon in her eyes listening to “yeh tera ghar, yeh mera ghar”, will not stop, until she finds her home, no matter where it is or who it is.  


“I am homesick for a place I am not sure ever exists. One where my heart is full. And my soul is understood. I am homesick for you my LOVE”




Monday, 27 February 2023

Too Much - #MondayBlogs

February 27, 2023 0 Comments



It’s too much, 

Thing after a thing

Drowning in this black hot coffee, not enough

Being in that super-hero suit is not good anymore

Golden liquid doesn’t burn me as it used to.

The smoke coming out of my lungs are a voiceless scream


Living life in break and escape rooms are…well, not living

Holding my breath so I can breathe one day is merely surviving

My shivering frozen heart waiting for you seems like a lifetime

I forgot what is normalcy 


Hiding behind the sound of my bluetooth seems exhausting

The dark cozy room fails to provide comfort

Writing about it doesn't vent as it used to

The sound of your voice is lightyear far...


It’s just too much, 

Thing after a thing, and a thing 




Wednesday, 2 November 2022

#PathaanTeaser & #DDLJScreening in one day! - #HappyBirthdayShahRukhKhan @yrf

November 02, 2022 0 Comments


What a day it has been for me today.

So, the Pathan Teaser dropped today around 11am and its kind of breaking the internet and drowning out Boycott Bollywood and Boycott Pathan noise - as its should. Have you seen the teaser yet? What did you think?




The first thing that caught my attention was that the narrative at the beginning was almost parallel to Shah Rukh Khan’s life. His last release was ‘Zero’ in 2018 which flopped (still made a profit) and people have been saying a lot of negative things like he is done, his mid-life crisis, etc. But give the man some credit, yes? He has been running the show and taking Bollywood to the world for last 30 years. How many times have people predicted that his reign was coming to an end with the launch of a new hero? And what happened? Nothing - without a single release in 4 years, he is still reigning here.

‘Zinda hai’ is more likely him confirming what us the SRK-ians have been saying all along. He is back and it seems it will be with a bang! With an action packed trailer and him looking better than ever, we are going to have fun. You naysayers can keep saying stuff, it hasn’t mattered to us in the last 30 years, and it won’t matter now.

With ‘War’ as a reference, I am not expecting a good storyline. In fact I am almost expecting a flawed story. At the same time with SRK & Deepika on screen, the acting will be much better than War for sure. And I hope that the action is as good as War if not better. I am excited!


I also had the awesome opportunity to go watch Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge on the screens today. People kept telling me that you have already watched it so many times, why go to the theatres again? Well, I am glad that once again I did not let the naysayers stop me because it was an experience of a lifetime!





Let me tell you, it’s a weekday and I went for the Noon show not expecting much crowd. But only one man can draw the crowd like that with a 27 year old film. Yes folks, it was housefull! About 95% of the crowd were under 25 and I am pretty sure this was their first time watching DDLJ on a big screen like that. Yet I doubt there was anyone who was watching it for the first time.

The environment was electric - like being in a live concert. People were cheering throughout - not only for the entry scenes but for all the iconic moments of the film. There were people calling out the dialogues in advance and singing and dancing along the songs!

It’s an experience I cannot describe and something I will probably remember for the rest of my life.




Monday, 18 July 2022

#MondayBlogs :: Fantastic Four #Friendships #Tribe

July 18, 2022 1 Comments


Sometimes you meet a person and you just click—you’re comfortable with them, like you’ve known them your whole life, and you don’t have to pretend to be anyone or anything. - Unknown

It was a sunny December morning. We (I am my husband) took our daughter to her new school. She was about to start her offline school after 1.5 years, and I was worried.

VANI:

We drop off our daughter and then I saw her. Just like me, messy hair, cotton Kurti, no makeup and a worried face. I went to her and started talking. She told me her daughter also goes to the same class as my daughter. And we started talking.
I still remember the thing she told me the very first time we meet…’I am a chatterbox”. And I was like, me too. And the epic chatting marathon started. Vani, is a true friend and an amazing mother.

MANJEERA:

While going to school to drop off and pick up my daughter, I came across a lot of other parents and teachers, who are constantly talking about this girl Name Nyaomi and how naughty she is.
My reaction was why the hell, everybody is gossiping about a 4-year-old. A child’s job description is to be naughty, why do we even expect anything else (read #OpenLetter to Nyaomi).
I deliberately wanted to meet her mother, Manjeera and I did. My first impression was, that she is so educated yet so humble. We became friends, just like that. We talked a lot about how Nyaomi is, and I constantly told her, I was also terribly naughty. Like any other mother, she was worried sick as everyone is constantly judging a 4-year-old with the parameter of an adult. 

KARISHMA:

Here comes the beauty queen. We were going to a marriage function and I saw her in my building lift. We talked for a bit as her son and my daughter are the same age, and they live in the same building. We decided to organize a play date for the kids.
The very next day, she brought me some sambar, wearing shorts. My reaction was…. you wear shorts… a gale lag ja (It’s a long story, read: You are a slut).

Her son, Bunny is the Magic Jappi of our group.


I really don’t remember how and when we all (Vani, Manjeera, Karishma & I) became friends.

It is so difficult to get like minded people and I got three of them.

We are a crazy bunch, shouting, yelling, sometimes crying also, and always in the mood for a party. 

We love our Chole Kulcha, especially me and Vani and while Karishma is on diet, and cursing us.

We had multiple parties, dramas, children fighting, crying, making peace, ladies complaining about our husbands, gifts and so much more.

I can’t thank you guys are enough for being there for me, not judging me for my craziness. 

You guys are the precious gems that I found when I was not even looking, and I was apprehensive to form any kind of bond. You guys showed me that I shouldn’t lose hope to make new friends because of some bad experiences. 

And the best thing about us is that we are not like some mothers who are constantly making their kids compete with each other. We understand that every child has their own strength and weakness and as a group, we cherish and encourage that. 

This is a very rare quality to be found in today’s world, especially when some parents asked me what is my daughter’s rank in the playgroup exam. 

I would like to give a glimpse of our WhatsApp chat:

Vani:

To all the kids I thank you to make me enjoy the child within me
I so much need bunny’s hug, Nyaomi’s energy, And Advika’s unconditional love
If it was not for them, I don’t think I would have ever met anyone.
The three months will be the best for making me fall in love with this city
And to trust in friends again

Manjeera:
Yes true. All thanks to our ❤️ly piyu (that’s me)

Vani:
To Priyanka, I credit you for being the skeleton of this group. Manjeera is the blood to energise it. Karishma gives the neuro electric spark to add a vibe.
Don’t mind my biology.
Am probably the hormones which keep the group sane or insane.

Me:
Please keep the compliments flowing, especially about me.

Karishma:
I am late as usual (That is the thing, she didn’t reply)


Currently, we are in different parts of India, however, I know, I can call them anytime and pick up where we left off.

I can all them my friends for life.



I miss you guys like hell, I miss our parties, I miss the support you provided to me, and helped me in so many ways.

Every one of you has a unique and a genuine soul. I thank God for all of you and the time we spent together.

LOVE YOU GUYS.

As Helen Keller rightly said,

I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light. 




Monday, 9 May 2022

#MondayBlogs - You are too sensitive!

May 09, 2022 1 Comments


Have you ever been told - ‘You are too sensitive’ by people you consider as friends and family? That you over-react to things and situations?

If your answer is yes, then this post is for you.

If you have said it to someone close to you, then this post is for you too!


I went into therapy after I separated from my husband to be able to manage my depression, hyper anxiety and panic attacks. And man, did that open a pandora’s box. I discovered that I am an empath. That is also when someone told me that it is not good to be an empath because empaths give too much of themselves to and for others. That I should seek therapy to learn how to ‘turn it off’. And seek did I… Not to learn to ‘turn it off’ but to understand it. 

Granted, why I am an empath doesn’t have a glamorous backstory to it. In fact it is downright sad. But what I now say is, Empathy is my super power, and no super hero ever had an origin story filled with rainbows and unicorns, neither is mine.

Being an empath means that I feel strongly and deeply. Not only that, I also absorb the energies around me, whether positive or negative, and often lock it in my body. At first, it was extremely difficult for me to understand what part of what I am feeling is my own and what part of it is something I am picking up from the people around. I struggle with that still, but I am trying to learn to control it, so that I do not have to feel overwhelmed and exhausted all the time.

It took me a lot of therapy to understand that being able to feel deeply and strongly is not a sign of weakness. My feelings and emotions are my own and nobody has the right to tell me what to feel or how to feel or how much to feel. 

In the past have been told that I am too sensitive and that I over-react far too many times. 

Sometimes from a well meaning friend who wished me well, but mostly from people trying to gaslight me (and succeeding) in order to avoid taking a look at their own actions. To the point where I started taking it as a personal character flaw and beat myself over it till I was exhausted. I started wondering if it would be so much better if I did not care at all.

That is, till I was was prescribed anti-depressants and I spent a week feeling nothing. 

When I am happy, I feel that strongly too. I laugh. I dance. I celebrate and I am loud. Nobody complains then or tell me that I am over reacting… because everyone loves to have a good time. Yet, when I feel sad or hurt or betrayed, I am told I am being too sensitive and over reacting because it is too much work to even consider that I am human, I have a heart, may be hurt and I have a right to feel however I feel.



Photo Credit: Brighter Places

If you are someone who has told people that they are too sensitive, take a moment and consider… why does it bother you that someone cares and feels?

Take a moment to stop and think what you are really doing by invalidating someone’s feelings.

I want you to think why do YOU feel the need to invalidate someone else’s feelings and what does it actually do for YOU?

Chances are that you are avoiding to take a look at you own behaviour or statements.
Chances are that the sensitive person in your life is absorbing your energies and putting it back up as a mirror to you.
Chances are that you are the one who doesn’t have the capacity to understand what you are putting the other person through.

Maybe, it is time for you to take a look inward rather than outward. 



For those of you who have been told these gaslighting statements, remember that empathy is not a bad thing. Being sensitive is not a problem that needs to be cured. We need more of it in the world - the feelings, the understanding and the want to help instead of stone cold indifference & destruction.

If someone says these things to you, look at it for what they are. BIG RED FLAGS. The person saying these things maybe saying these to make you doubt yourself so that their actions are not closely looked at. They may even be manipulating you unknowingly - but that is what it is in the bottomline - manipulation.

Being a sensitive person in today’s world is a blessing to the rest of the population. We understand exactly. We care. And we are human. 

So, next time someone tells you that you are too sensitive… own it ‘coz you feel and care when others don’t. That makes you a much better person. We could all do with more understanding and sensitivity!





Monday, 25 April 2022

#MondayBlogs :: Have you ever been a tourist in your own city?

April 25, 2022 2 Comments

 


I was born and raised (for most parts) in Kolkata. Yet, I did not know that Jorasanko Thakur Bari, the ancestral home of the Tagore family, was just an hour away from my home. I have never been to Kumartuli or to the Marble House Palace.

Yeah, we tend to take it easy, thinking we have all the time in the world to explore these places as they are so close to home. Do we though?

As someone who spent a good part of her life in Kurseong & Darjeeling for school & college… The hills are my second home. Yet, the first time I rode the Toy Train was in my final year of college when my group of friends made it a part of our day out. Joy rides on the Toy Train was what tourists do, not locals! Yet I had never been to Gangamaya Park or Rock Garden or Batasia Loop. I had never been to the Dali Monastery or Ghoom Monastery or Tinchuley Village. Till date I have not ridden the North Point Ropeway which a stones throw away from where I lived for 3 years during my college days.


Last year, when I came to Darjeeling, it was after 13 long years and it took a friend visiting from Siliguri for me to finally visit the Gangamaya Park and the Rock Garden. I was surprised how near it was and sad that I had not visited those places before. Since pandemic wasn’t over yet back then, I did not venture out of the town much.

This year though I have made it a point of going out on most Sundays and visit places that I haven’t been to and some places that I wanted to revisit. So far I have been to Lamahatta, Mangpoo, Mirik, Kurseong and finally made a trip to the Dali Monastery and Batasia Loop.

Each of the places I have visited, whether on my own or with someone, has surprised me and I kept asking myself, why the hell I hadn’t visited these places before. Limited finances of student life did come to mind, but we spend hundreds in a day to watch a movie and splurged on cold drinks and popcorns - amount of money that would have been sufficient to travel to these places in those days.

Beautiful eco park, serene little hilly village, and popular tourist traps - but they all had breathtaking views and a serenity that I love but miss in my city life. To take a day and be out in the nature was refreshing.


Now you may say, ‘but DD, I live in a metro/city and it’s all a concrete jungle, where do I find nature here?’

Well, I know I will try and visit the places I have lived an hour away from all my life but literally had no idea of their existence before when I go back to Kolkata. A museum, an author’s birth place, a zoo… whatever it is, I encourage you to go out and be a tourist in your own city. See the places you haven’t been to - unless you do you will not know what you are missing (or not missing). Try to see them from an outsider’s point of view. If nothing else, it will break the monotony of your routined lifestyle. The shopping malls, the movie theatres and the restaurants are not going anywhere. 

Try and be a tourist in your own city/town!




Monday, 21 February 2022

#MondayBlogs - Walk Away... #Gaslighting #Survivor

February 21, 2022 0 Comments

 



What does it feel like?

To be told that what you experienced moments earlier, never happened.
To be told that everything is only in your head.
To be told that you were being too emotional.
To be told that you were over-reacting.
To be told that you were the one forgetting things.
To be told that you were not good enough for anything.
To be told that you were too stupid to ever succeed.
To be told that you were a waste of space and a terrible drain on resources.
To be told that you couldn't take a joke after constant body shaming.
To be told that it wasn't their intention to hurt you while repeating the same thing for the 100th time.
To be told that it was your fault that you were hurting.

Everyday…
For months…
For years…
For close to a decade!

At first I fought. I took it up as challenge. I tried to prove them wrong. 
But how does one fight something that is being planted in their mind and doesn't actually exist? How does one win a challenge that shouldn't have been placed at all? How does one prove something that shouldn't need to be proven in the first place? 
And how long does one have to fight (alone) and keep proving things?

I am sure I knew the answer while growing up. But then I fell in love - Yes, Blindly! - and lost my way in the tornado that my life was. Constantly working. From the moment I woke up, till I crashed into my bed.

Working (from home) a job, handling a household and shouldering the responsibility and welfare of 6 other fully grown adults, day after day… Working up to 18 hours a day to deal with everything (and never less than 12 hours a day) to be able to take care of all the responsibilities that were suppose to shared by your life partner, (yet you find yourself handling them alone) - 7 days a week and 365 days a year is bound to have some effect on a human being. Everyone knows that, right? Apparently not everyone.

Cooking, cleaning, meetings, and promotional activities - constantly laced with comments and rebukes that aimed at reducing the family nurturer, the 'ghar ki Lakshmi' in to something less than a sentient being still happens in the 21st Century.

All that along with intermittent love-bombing!

You go into a shell - the survival mode. Always being prepared and trying to reduce any chances of triggering another round of 'how useless you are tirade'. You start to dim that spark, that is so eternally you, so that every one else is under the spotlight while you hide in the shadowed corner. You do not let the spotlight be ever on you - even though it is your story, your life! Shrinking into a ball, not taking up space and yet making it easier for people to kick around.

And should you dare to question it, i.e., if you still have some semblance of self left, and ask why - the society around you (some even in guise of friends) will gather to remind you that all you are good for is to keep your mouth shut, adjust and compromise. A 'failure of a being' has no right to ask questions. You only get to continue to try and prove your worth in exchange of being 'allowed' to breathe.


Would you consider stop breathing if that is the only way to end the hurt and pain?

Many do!

But there is another way… Stand up, break the invisible shackles and walk away! 

(read invisible shackles as: expectations forced on you by those close to you and the society; the constant self doubt drilled into you; the crippling fear you feel; the unshakeable belief that you cannot make it on your own; the anxiety of how could ever do anything right on your own; the mind blowing concept of what will people say… in short - whatever it is that is holding you back in a life that is slowly sucking your spirit out.) 


It is hard! The hardest thing you will probably do... When you finally have had enough, and realise that staying on will eventually kill you, much before your time; and when other people will reiterate that all you can do is stay and compromise. Try and remember, that there ARE people who will support you and help you... So, keep at it till you find someone who'll throw the life jacket when you are drowning. And then, swim... swim for the shore - your life!


And it starts getting better almost immediately.


Its been over a year since I walked out… And, now all I know is what it feels like…


To be told that you are strong.
To be told that you are a heck of a fighter to have survived.
To be told that you are worth more than ten of them.
To be told that you are loving and caring.
To be told that you have a right to take up space.
To be told that you deserve to have your needs met.
To be told that you are inspiring.
To be told that you have an amazing sense of humour.
To be told that you are a responsible person.
To be told that your are a logical and practical person.
To be told that you are loved.
To be told that you are seen.
To be told that you are cherished.
To be told that you are wanted and desired.



It is good for your body. It is good for your mind. AND, it is the most liberating thing for your spirit.





Wednesday, 6 October 2021

My Favourite Food Joints In Vizag - #MyFriendAlexa

October 06, 2021 32 Comments



I am a typical Bheto Bengali. Food and I go hand in hand. It’s mutual love, we both love each other. I love to cook and eat and the food loves to be eaten by me.

I left Kolkata in 2009. However, no matter where I am, I try to find food like Kolkata. Most of the places disappoint me; still, I am always able to find something tasty to eat.

I am here in Vizag for the last three years, and was able to find some food joints that I love.

Disclaimer:
I am in no way claiming these are the best places to eat or make the best food or the other places do not offer good food. All I want to say is they are my favourite.




Let’s start exploring...


The Chaiwala in front of SFS State Board Gate:

In Seethamadhara, if you come from the Tech Mahindra junction, you will find SFS State Board School on your left side. Just in front of the main gate, there is a small tea stall. I have no idea what is the name of the tea stall. It is run by a young couple. And what allam (ginger) tea they make. I am literally in love with the allam tea. You have a cup of it, and all your tiredness, worries are gone.

Kolkata Roll Centre:

In Dhaba Garden, there is a pantaloons showroom, just beside the showroom, there is a lane, and some food stalls are there. And there is Kolkata Roll Centre. In no way, it serves the authentic Kolkata rolls, but the noodles they make is really good. The chicken noodles they serve actually tastes like Kolkata roadside, thela wala (stall) noodles. It’s like a dash of Kolkata taste away from my love, Kolkata.

The Momowala in front of Bay View Hotel:

In front of Bay View Hotel in RK beach, you will find the best Momos in Vizag. The main cook is a Nepali guy, and hence, the momos are really good. They serve red chilli chutney with the momos, and it tastes like northeast India. Also, they serve really tasty chicken sweet corn soup.

Upland Bistro:

This restaurant serves the best continental in Vizag, hand down. This restaurant is run by an Telugu guy name Kalyan. I am a regular here. I have tried many dishes from the menu, and they are actually good. I have also tried many other continental restaurants here in Vizag, most of the time the food is actually, sorry for the word, shit. The fish and chip from this restaurant is my favourite.

Cafe Military:

Located on the Venkojipalem highway, they serve one of the best tiffin in Vizag. I simply love the Masala Dosa, the dosa is crispy, and the aloo masala is super tasty. I can literally eat it, every morning, if there is a possibility. It’s just my lazy husband refuses to take me there every morning.

Soda Paniwala:

The summer here in Vizag is really cruel. And the only way I survive the brutish sun is by drinking gallons of sweet soda pani. I have probably tried the all the Soda Pani stalls in Vizag. They all are life-saving, in the summertime. I even tried my best to impress them with my Telegu speaking skills for some extra, they mostly ignore me (my Telegu is a disaster). Still, hoping to befriend one for some extra soda pani, for free of course.

Samosa from Sea Pearl:

In Kolkata, you get the best samosas. I have tried samosas from various parts of South India, and they are not good. However, Sea Pearl restaurant on RK Beach serves one of the best samosas, in Vizag. The dough is perfectly kneaded with a hint of ajwain. The filling is heavenly, fried to perfection, served with sweet chutney. The combination is to die for.

The honourable motions are Idli from Mr And Mrs Idli, Biryani from Satyam restaurant & Raju's Kitchen, North Indian veg thali from Shree Shyam restaurant, veg cuisine from Santosh Dhaba, Bengali food from Hotel Nimantran Inn, and many, many more.


Happy Eating







I am taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa.

Wednesday, 22 September 2021

My Seasonal Lover - #MyFriendAlexa

September 22, 2021 51 Comments



My plane landed around 5 AM on an October morning in 2018. I am in a new city and I have to call it home for the next few years. I was happy to finally leave Hyderabad, but not sure what to expect from this new city.

I got my luggage and came out of the airport. I knew that nobody is coming to pick me up, still hoped to see a familiar face. Mr. Anirudh Gaurav said he can’t pick me up for some reason, I forgot the reason, however, remember I was mad.

A grey, gloomy and rainy city welcomed me with not much enthusiasm. I never disliked a rainy day like this.

I booked my Uber and patiently waited outside the airport. My Uber came and I started my journey into this new city. I more I entered the city, the more I hated it. I finally reached my destination, MVP Colony. Gaurav was there to receive me, but to my surprise, what welcomed me is the Devil’s Tree, in front of the hotel.

It was like Durga Puja welcoming me outside Kolkata. I was in love.

Gaurav left for work, and I began my hunt for a new home (rented house). I roamed every lane and every street of MVP colony. And on every corner, there was a Devil’s Tree waiting to tempt me with its smell. I was trying to get some flowers from the tree and some lady told me not to, as it is poisonous.

And in my mind, the smell of the flower is my poison. I don’t know how dangerous this is for asthma patients, but this is definitely harmful to me. It makes my desires run wild. No kidding it’s called the seductive Casanova of smells.

The smell would arrive every year, during Durga Puja (September end to October), and stay till December to wish me on my birthday. I reached this new city in October and thank God it was October. Otherwise, how would I know Devil’s Tree will be waiting for me with open arms.

The smell takes me back to my teenage years. Someone would be waiting for me and I was ignorant enough to ignore him. The smell takes me to my first love, first heartbreak, and first tears of pain.

Yet, this smell is so toxic for me that I can’t simply imagine Durga Puja or winter without it.

Then the unavoidable happens, by the time winter is over, the smell leaves me like a seasonal lover. I am heartbroken and missing my love. I try my best not to embrace the last hint of the smell, as I know it will leave me high and dry.

Yet how can I not, long for it as long it’s there, it’s like the forbidden lover. He is toxic, poisonous, going to leave me to suffer for sure, yet so passionate with his love and desires.

It’s been three winters. The air, the streets, and the people feel much more familiar to me now. I have made it a home, my Vizag.  

Yet on those lonely nights on my balcony, I long for my poison. I am madly in love with this toxic flower called Chatim Ful (in Bengali) and last but not least, a poisonous someone. It’s so difficult to reason with my feelings. What I know for sure is I want him. And he can't be mine, ever. A pain I endure with all my affection. 




I am taking my blog to the next level with Blogchatter’s #MyFriendAlexa.


Friday, 15 January 2021

#WOTY – Word of the Year 2021

January 15, 2021 0 Comments

 


I think this year is all about trying out new things for me. This year I made New Year Resolutions for the first time. And now I am going to try another new concept, something that has been around for a while, but I am going to try for the first time – Word of the Year!

I first came across this concept on One Word 365 quite some time back. One Word 365 is more than a new way to approach resolutions. Choose one word to focus on through the year. There are no specifics other than commitment to keep your focus and follow through on the word you choose for yourself.

My Word of the Year for 2021


After much consideration I have decided to choose the ‘Strength’ for myself in 2021.



Definition of Strength:

1. The quality or state of being physically strong.

2. The capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure.

3. A good or beneficial quality or attribute of a person or thing.


At first I considered Perseverance for 2021. But then realised that I have been persevering through the last few years and I need to do more than that this year. At 37, I am starting over. A new life without the old habits and influences. With the changes that I am looking to make in my life, things are not going to be easy. And, I will need Strength the most in moving forward. 

  • Strength to stay healthy.
  • Strength to move forward.
  • Strength to stick to my resolutions.
  • Strength to take care of my anxiety.

Do you have a WOTY for 2021?






Friday, 1 January 2021

Making 2021 Count!

January 01, 2021 0 Comments


Are you ready for 2021?

Every year I see people making New Year Resolutions and then joke about how the resolutions do not even last a day or a week or a month. And when people asked me, I usually responded with - read more books. In my mind though I always think, next year I hope I get to do this or that – they are always related to books or travel or learning new things.


But things have been difficult for me for the past few years, and without even realizing it, I had given up on a lot things I actually love and care for, including my physical and mental health. 2020 has been an eye opener for a lot of people and it has brought some good and some bad changes in my life. And the fact is, though we are all wishing for a better year in 2021, much of it is still up in the air – especially with the new strand of virus emerging in Europe.

Irrespective of it all, I am determined to make 2021 not only better, but also make it MY YEAR. So, I decided to make some resolutions for myself that I plan on sticking to. This post will go live on 1st January to serve as a reminder and also for you, my dear readers – if you are up for it, to hold me accountable!

1. Exercise:

My health had taken such a hit that around September this year that I could not sit up or walk around or do chores for more than 15 minutes at a time. I would end up feeling dizzy and throwing up. Headaches and body aches were constant companions. I have been in treatment and resting up since mid-October and as I write this post towards the end of December, I am on the last leg of the medical treatment but have not recovered completely yet. I have taken to exercising for 10-15 minutes for about 2/3 times a day and that is helping my recovery journey quite a bit. 
So, my first resolution is related to the most important things in my life – my health. I cannot be expected to go from zero to hundred in a day, but I am going to increase the time and intensity slowly. I will exercise 6 days a week through 2021.


2. Mental Health:

Not many people know this, but I was diagnosed with acute anxiety and depression a while back. I have had more panic attacks in the last 3 years than I care for. Needless to say, complete isolation in 2020 (and some other experiences) haven’t helped at all. So, Mental Health has to be a priority in 2021. Besides, physical and mental health work in tandem. As such, taking care of one and ignoring the other is not going to let me progress on either ends. I have a few ideas on how to work on it which include breathing exercises, affirmations, NLP and journaling. I also plan to involve a lot more music in my life and to push myself to go out and meet people.


3. Dance:

I used to love to dance and used to be quite good at it – if I may say so myself. I may not be a professional level dancer (though I could have been if I had the inclination) but I have always received distinction marks in the yearly evaluations when I used to take lessons. But more importantly, it made me really happy. I have taken lessons in Bharatanatyam and Fusion, but just the act of moving to music and rhythm really made me happy. It used to make me feel good about myself and I would often work through my frustrations through dancing. Over the years, I have had to give up my passion for it and now I can barely bob my head to music without cricking something. So yeah, I am going to get back into dancing even if I have to start as a beginner and move at a snail’s pace to get that feeling of freedom and happiness in my life.

Bonus: This should also help with my first two resolutions.


4. No Compromise:

I have lost count about how many times I have been told and expected to compromise, limit my expectations and give up the things I love by people who wouldn’t spare a single thought for me. And stupidly enough, I have done it. Over and over again. That is going to change. I am not saying that I will become an overall unyielding person. But if someone expects me to compromise, they need to meet me at the halfway mark. Else, no deal.


5. Make time for things I love:

For the last few years, my work has been the only thing that has been keeping me sane. As such I had become a complete workaholic who worked 365 days a year. I am not kidding you – if you have seen or heard of my vacations, I would come back to my hotel room and get to work at the end of the day. While I continued to study and learn other things, they were secondary, and I allotted them time only after I had finished work and chores. That is going to change too. I have already started informing my existing clients that I will be taking every Sunday off, and making sure to allot at least an hour a day for something other than work and chores. This is on top of the time I am going to put towards exercising and dance. I will put it towards whatever course I am doing or towards my Tarot learning journey.



That is about it! I wanted to add 2 more things to this list but decided to keep it to 5 resolutions. No use in making too many changes or resolutions and not being able to keep any of them. Maybe for 2022 I will have a longer list once I manage to stick to these in 2021.

What do you think? Would you want monthly or quarterly updates on my resolutions? I would love to know about your resolutions for the year and how do you plan to make it better than 2020?