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Friday, 22 January 2021

Movies that I want my daughter to watch

January 22, 2021 0 Comments


As a mother, I have a list of movies that I want my daughter to watch. The two most important movies on that list are Sonu Ke Titu Ki Sweety and Kabir Singh.

Well, no matter how much one praise those movies, it is never enough.

I have already talked about Kabir Singh is a previous post, so let’s focus on STS (Sonu Ke Titu Ki Sweety).

The main purpose of showing her these masterpieces are is to make her learn what not to do in life.

The movie revolves around three characters:

Sonu: Sonu is played by Kartik Aaryan who is famous for his female bashing characters. He is the flag-bearer of male friendship goals and meninism. As a result, he is a bachelor and plans to be so for all his life (why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free).
His life goal is to protect his childhood friend Titu (Sunny Singh) from shallow romance. As a symptom of oblivious innocence on Titu’s side, he suffered a heartbreak again. As a solution for all problems, he agreed to an arranged marriage with Sweety.

Titu: Titu is too saintly, innocent, sweet, and dim-witted to be taken seriously. Just ignore him.

Sweety: She is too good to be true. She is the ideal would be Indian Bahu. She works for orphan children, looks out for Titu’s every need, sends him lunches, and satisfies him in ways women are made to satisfy men. Sweety is a one-note perfect bahu.

No… No… No… just wait, she is not one note, she is a multidimensional character. The hidden part of her character is that she is a Bitch and wants to control Titu, just like Sonu wants to control Titu.

Sonu and sweety have the same goal… to get Titu to do whatever they want.



Story of the Movie:

Sonu is convinced that Sweety is a BITCH in disguise, which he concludes based on his instincts. However, nobody believes him and he is all alone in proving this hypothesis. Therefore, what started is a battle of the sexes; it is best friend versus the bride-to-be. And what a twist it is. They just replaced the mother-in-law with the so-called best friend. And what follows is a war between these two characters with every bit of the pettiness, bitterness, and nastiness.

Conclusion: 

Sonu is closeted Bisexual and Indian movies are far behind even showing Homosexual relationships; Bisexual theme in a movie is ages behind.


What I want my daughter to learn from the movie is that everybody can tell you how to behave, this will teach you how you are not supposed to behave, treat people, let yourself be treated like this, and most importantly, run from this type of people like they are Corona Virus.



Friday, 15 January 2021

#WOTY – Word of the Year 2021

January 15, 2021 0 Comments

 


I think this year is all about trying out new things for me. This year I made New Year Resolutions for the first time. And now I am going to try another new concept, something that has been around for a while, but I am going to try for the first time – Word of the Year!

I first came across this concept on One Word 365 quite some time back. One Word 365 is more than a new way to approach resolutions. Choose one word to focus on through the year. There are no specifics other than commitment to keep your focus and follow through on the word you choose for yourself.

My Word of the Year for 2021


After much consideration I have decided to choose the ‘Strength’ for myself in 2021.



Definition of Strength:

1. The quality or state of being physically strong.

2. The capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure.

3. A good or beneficial quality or attribute of a person or thing.


At first I considered Perseverance for 2021. But then realised that I have been persevering through the last few years and I need to do more than that this year. At 37, I am starting over. A new life without the old habits and influences. With the changes that I am looking to make in my life, things are not going to be easy. And, I will need Strength the most in moving forward. 

  • Strength to stay healthy.
  • Strength to move forward.
  • Strength to stick to my resolutions.
  • Strength to take care of my anxiety.

Do you have a WOTY for 2021?






Friday, 8 January 2021

A Not So Good Girl

January 08, 2021 0 Comments



My three-year-old daughter drives me crazy with her activities and it is a daily thing in our home. And many a time, to my surprise, what I tell her is, “good girls don’t behave like this.”


Somehow, this “Good Girl” concept got imprinted on her, and she loves to be called a good girl. However, with some magical force or something, her definition of “Good Girl” is different from the so-called societal definition. I am eternally thankful for this.

This reminded me of an incident that happened years ago. It was about 10-11 years ago that Sania Mirza wore a T-shirt with the caption “good girls don't make history.” And as you can imagine, she was criticized like she had committed murder and it was time to punish her for it.

Another time I remember noticing this concept was when I was watching a movie called "The Stepford Wives’. The theme of the movie is about men turning their wives into robots in order to make them the perfect wives. Perfect wives seemed so familiar with the Good Girl concept.

It got me thinking, what the hell is this good girl, and who is she? So, I asked who always asked for help…Google, and here is what Google told me about good girls.

Good Girl:
A good girl is to be passive, submissive, and compliant. A good girl won't be solving problems, feeding the homeless, and making the world a better place. She's good by her own twisted definition of good. And anyone who doesn't adhere to her paradigm of goodness is most likely, in her mind, bad.

Every society on this planet has its version of a good girl. The version differs from country to country; however, the undercurrent is the same as what the definition said about good girls.

We love our good girls, but why? Why we are (‘we’ include both the genders.) so obsessed with them?


But first, let’s see the common characteristics of Good Girls:


Living for others: The main and the most important characteristics of a Good Girl that she lives for others; her whole life is devoted to others, especially to her husband and in-laws. 

Being what others want you to be:
A Good Girl is what others want her to be, especially the men in her life, obedient, submissive, and happy (nothing wrong in being happy, however here happy means looking happy not being), always available to serve others, and the list goes on and on.

“Me” is on the back foot:
This is interconnected with the first point; her own self is served at last. She is never her own priority. Even if she looks nice and happy, it’s because to gives comfort to someone else. Not for her own good. 

Compelled to behave like this for others' approval:
Her behavior is always aimed to please others, get their approval, especially from the opposite gender. 

She Avoids Drama:
A Good Girl hates drama, not because of her personal dislike towards it, rather to provide comfortable surroundings for men. 

She’s Not the Jealous Type:
She is never the jealous type, not because she has overcome jealousy. It is just to make sure her man can be comfortable with others, and most importantly, to avoid drama. 

She’s All About Compromise:
A Good Girl is synonymous with Compromise. Her whole life is a compromise and she is proud of it. 

She Takes Pride in Her Appearance:
A Good Girl is always aware of her beauty and makes sure she looks nice all the time. Again, this is not because it is her choice, rather make sure when her man sees her; he sees a beautiful, happy face. 

Humor:
She has a great sense of humor, never cracks stupid jokes, doesn’t laugh loudly, always has a happy persona, and makes sure to never miss the chance at laughing at her man’s not-at-all funny jokes. 

Down-to-Earth:
Good Girls are down to earth, even if she is a rocket scientist. Now being Down-to-Earth is not a bad quality, however, for a good girl, the reason is not to come across overachiever or over-educated to her male counterpart. 

She keeps only positive, uplifting people in her life:
Now, last but definitely not the least, A GOOD GIRL IS A ROBOT. She is all positive, doesn’t have a single shred of negativity, always happy, loving, serving, compromising, and definitely not a human.

Now back to the main question, why do we love our good girls?

The answer is simple; in a male-dominated society (created by both men and women) a Good Girl serves men's need to feel superior and comfortable (and many more, directly or indirectly). And who doesn’t like to be served?

Lastly, I want to finish with a thought…


“You can't put everyone before you and call that love”







Friday, 1 January 2021

Making 2021 Count!

January 01, 2021 0 Comments


Are you ready for 2021?

Every year I see people making New Year Resolutions and then joke about how the resolutions do not even last a day or a week or a month. And when people asked me, I usually responded with - read more books. In my mind though I always think, next year I hope I get to do this or that – they are always related to books or travel or learning new things.


But things have been difficult for me for the past few years, and without even realizing it, I had given up on a lot things I actually love and care for, including my physical and mental health. 2020 has been an eye opener for a lot of people and it has brought some good and some bad changes in my life. And the fact is, though we are all wishing for a better year in 2021, much of it is still up in the air – especially with the new strand of virus emerging in Europe.

Irrespective of it all, I am determined to make 2021 not only better, but also make it MY YEAR. So, I decided to make some resolutions for myself that I plan on sticking to. This post will go live on 1st January to serve as a reminder and also for you, my dear readers – if you are up for it, to hold me accountable!

1. Exercise:

My health had taken such a hit that around September this year that I could not sit up or walk around or do chores for more than 15 minutes at a time. I would end up feeling dizzy and throwing up. Headaches and body aches were constant companions. I have been in treatment and resting up since mid-October and as I write this post towards the end of December, I am on the last leg of the medical treatment but have not recovered completely yet. I have taken to exercising for 10-15 minutes for about 2/3 times a day and that is helping my recovery journey quite a bit. 
So, my first resolution is related to the most important things in my life – my health. I cannot be expected to go from zero to hundred in a day, but I am going to increase the time and intensity slowly. I will exercise 6 days a week through 2021.


2. Mental Health:

Not many people know this, but I was diagnosed with acute anxiety and depression a while back. I have had more panic attacks in the last 3 years than I care for. Needless to say, complete isolation in 2020 (and some other experiences) haven’t helped at all. So, Mental Health has to be a priority in 2021. Besides, physical and mental health work in tandem. As such, taking care of one and ignoring the other is not going to let me progress on either ends. I have a few ideas on how to work on it which include breathing exercises, affirmations, NLP and journaling. I also plan to involve a lot more music in my life and to push myself to go out and meet people.


3. Dance:

I used to love to dance and used to be quite good at it – if I may say so myself. I may not be a professional level dancer (though I could have been if I had the inclination) but I have always received distinction marks in the yearly evaluations when I used to take lessons. But more importantly, it made me really happy. I have taken lessons in Bharatanatyam and Fusion, but just the act of moving to music and rhythm really made me happy. It used to make me feel good about myself and I would often work through my frustrations through dancing. Over the years, I have had to give up my passion for it and now I can barely bob my head to music without cricking something. So yeah, I am going to get back into dancing even if I have to start as a beginner and move at a snail’s pace to get that feeling of freedom and happiness in my life.

Bonus: This should also help with my first two resolutions.


4. No Compromise:

I have lost count about how many times I have been told and expected to compromise, limit my expectations and give up the things I love by people who wouldn’t spare a single thought for me. And stupidly enough, I have done it. Over and over again. That is going to change. I am not saying that I will become an overall unyielding person. But if someone expects me to compromise, they need to meet me at the halfway mark. Else, no deal.


5. Make time for things I love:

For the last few years, my work has been the only thing that has been keeping me sane. As such I had become a complete workaholic who worked 365 days a year. I am not kidding you – if you have seen or heard of my vacations, I would come back to my hotel room and get to work at the end of the day. While I continued to study and learn other things, they were secondary, and I allotted them time only after I had finished work and chores. That is going to change too. I have already started informing my existing clients that I will be taking every Sunday off, and making sure to allot at least an hour a day for something other than work and chores. This is on top of the time I am going to put towards exercising and dance. I will put it towards whatever course I am doing or towards my Tarot learning journey.



That is about it! I wanted to add 2 more things to this list but decided to keep it to 5 resolutions. No use in making too many changes or resolutions and not being able to keep any of them. Maybe for 2022 I will have a longer list once I manage to stick to these in 2021.

What do you think? Would you want monthly or quarterly updates on my resolutions? I would love to know about your resolutions for the year and how do you plan to make it better than 2020?