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Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts

Friday, 4 October 2019

BDSM 2: A Guide to Breakup, Divorce, (fresh) Start and Memory

October 04, 2019 0 Comments
Remember our four mighty ladies? Like many of us, these four women has been navigating some pretty interesting shit in their lives. In the first part of the story we learnt how D was navigating her divorce and how S was trying to start fresh. Let us now visit a day in the life of B and M, both dealing with relationship changes. These stories are yours and mine:
100% true and lack any form of fabrication but has 100% exaggeration.


   

Breakup: Let us call her B!


It's 3 am in the watch, B was hysterical! As a dry sob escaped her cracked lips, B looked at the motivational quote she has pasted on her wall "She believed she could, so she did!"

In her dismay B wondered, do the writers of these quotes come up with them when they are high or having a glass of old monk and musing about life? Or do they also go through the birthing pain like the rest of us - of rejections and breakups?

As B's mind wandered, her eyes found the remnants of her breakup on the mirrors attached to her closet, that was hiding her unwashed pile of laundry. The concealer could no longer mask the dark circles under her eyes as a result of sleepless nights of self-blame. Three failed attempts at relationships this year, B has officially hit ROCK BOTTOM!
"How could you let this happen again?" - B's disheveled reflection on the mirror screamed at her. Shit, shit shit!

She picked up the pillow and screamed into it...Arghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are there punishments for breaking bones, but no punishment for breaking hearts?
Even though cardiologists earn a bomb by fixing heart as an organ, it seems the "imaginary" heart is the cheapest organ in a person's body. Is it because it's imaginary - like the promises that were made to her? The pain that B was experiencing felt pretty real though!

B reaches out to her whatsapp group of friends and furiously types "Guess who is eating an entire jar of Nutella in her torn over-sized marvel t shirt sans pants, displaying her hairy legs, AGAIN?"
Concern poured in from all the 4 corners of the world. "What's wrong babe?" "Do we need to beat up someone?"
Her best friend Sam saw the text and without any fanfare, video called her and said "You get the next 1 hour to cry, cuss or commemorate, no judgement! I am here to listen. But I do have an ask at the end of the hour."

In a trembling voice, B narrated how love has failed her this year -
  • Whether it's the suave VP crying like a kid for his ex-wife in the second date (I mean really? You are out on a date with someone and you cry on your date's shoulder about your ex?), or, 
  • The Ferrari/Dick-car driver as she used to refer to him who refused to meet her when she said she was on her periods as he finds period, a normal bodily function, "dirty", or,
  • The guy from Matrimony with better nipples than hers 👀, who literally froze up because she asked him to inform her once he lands. 

B went on and on with general disdain towards love and how she always choose the wrong men in life, but she could feel herself slowing down after sometime.

Sam could sense this as well and said "Now about that favor, you need to break up. Break up with this negative side of yours, the one that finds you at fault for all the breakups. Treat that side as the rock-star you dated in your college days, kick him out. Come on, I am gonna stay on the line - BREAKUP!"

Emboldened by Sam's encouraging words, B looked at herself in the mirror, took a deep breath and addressed her disheveled reflection, "If you only make me cry, why should I be with you? Am I dating an onion? That's it, I am breaking up with you. It's their fault, not mine. I will no longer take the blame for these breakups just because I met some fuckboys."

As her disheveled reflection watched her in surprise, B kept the Nutella jar back in the shelf, wished her friends goodnight and switched on her favorite piece by Imagine Dragons, "Bad Liar" to DATE sleep instead - finally at peace with her last breakup.


For fun read: B in BDSM refers to bondage, a restrictive action where one partner is tied down and not able to express their full range of emotions via their actions.


(past relationship) Memories: Let us call her M!



As M tried to balance the overflowing cup of coffee on her way back to the corner table, her mobile beeped with the telltale noise of notification. Settling down her coffee beside the latest John Green novel, M checked her phone and was surprised to see a Facebook notification of one of her ex's celebrating their second anniversary.

When did Andy get married? When did he tame his craziness and actually decided to anchor in the predictable shores of a traditional home life, something he claimed he never would? Memories flooded back... Andy was this curly haired tornado who on one hand could produce the softest tunes dedicated to her in his acoustic guitar and on the other hand would chase her on bike, stopping her on the middle of the road portraying the ideal angry young Indian male lover as shown in cheap Bollywood depictions!

M absentmindedly sipped into the coffee and accidentally burned her tongue - TOO HOT! She felt the familiar feeling of restlessness creeping inside her chest.

A tattered jeans-clad purple-haired girl was checking out M for some time in the half-empty coffee shop. As M started hyperventilating, the strange girl walked up to her and asked "Hey, are you alright?"

M found herself staring into the transparent blue eyes of this strange beautiful woman and heard herself blurting out "No, I just came to know my ex has been married for 2 years, even when he told me he doesn't believe in marriage when we were dating. All the men I date seems to have moved onto someone better and here I am burning my tongue in a lonely afternoon."

The girl crinkled the corner of her eyes and gave M a warm smile. "You know, I was in a similar situation a month back. To escape bumping into my ex and his very pregnant wife, I changed cities and took up a new job - but nothing was helping. Then I tried this method with one of my counselors and it helped me make peace with the situation, do you wanna give it a try?"

M was quite taken aback by the turn her afternoon has taken but decided, it can't get worse right? After all she was opening herself up to new experiences. She heard herself saying "Ok, what do I need to do?" Her purple haired companion replied "Share one memory - good, bad, crazy or weird, about your relationships and then write in a chit "I accept you as you are and forgive you. I forgive you for me, not you."

Intrigued by this exercise M started sharing some of the memories of her past relationships with this strange friend:
  • Sameer was the wild one, M can never forget the make out session that she had with Sameer in that rainy night, bang in the middle of the road inside the mini-cooper with steamed windows. You rarely have such toe-curling kisses at 2 am in the night and M was lucky to experience one.
  • Joy's possessive ass has been giving her hell in the coffee shop for talking to the male server for so long, but his eyes welled up in joy when the server kept a cake in front of him that read "I will miss you for the next 4 months", a goodbye gift from her.
  • M was being conscious about her weight but Dan picked her up and made her lean back and lie down on him, relaxing in the easy chair on the balcony. She felt a sense of calm and belonging as she leaned back and closed her eyes, tilting her head to the side to feel his beating heart. 
  • Ash knew one of her deepest desires was to be picked up and getting kissed against the wall. As soon as M entered the room, Ash picked her up and passionately kissed her against the wall making her dream come true.
  • Andy knew she liked Beethoven's 5th symphony. Before leaving for the US, he gifted her a music box with those dancing figurines which played Beethoven's 5th symphony whenever M turned the keys.

All these memories made M smile. Sure there were some unpleasant endings but she was ready to move on. She hugged this beautiful stranger and started walking towards the corner building across the street, which she now calls home.


For fun read: M in BDSM means Masochism, a willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences.

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Can some of you connect to some of these stories? If yes - do share similar snippets from your breakups or any stories from your past relationships that you have experienced. Would love to connect with you via your stories. Together let us weave a cloak of familiar stories for men and women who are unable to share theirs. On a cold and lonely night when they will be searching for heat, may our cloak of familiar stories give them the warmth they are looking for and help them realize:

You are not alone. We are the average (wo)man of this world and we stand tall and proud, even at 5.2.



Read BDSM Part 1





Wednesday, 11 September 2019

BDSM 1: A Guide to Breakup, Divorce, (fresh) Start and Memory

September 11, 2019 90 Comments
Let me tell you a story. There were once 4 women - each going through certain phases in their lives. These stories covers 4 such days in their lives. Many of you may be able to relate to these everyday incidents having lived through them yourselves. These stories are yours and mine:

100% true and lack any form of fabrication but has 100% exaggeration.

A guide to Breakup, Divorce, (fresh) Start and Misery


Divorce: Let us call her D!


D woke up with a start! Did she fall asleep again during the afternoon? Shit shit shit! The deliverable was due an hour back, what if she gets fired? Oh who cares! It's not like anyone stayed up beside her last night and hugged her when she was weeping and sniffling like an infant. Let them! Man O' man, she badly needs a coffee. Will her hotel have something strong and maybe, oh just maybe some chocolate cookies - D thinks as she twists her messy hair in a worn out black rubber band. Beside her email alert, her laptop shows a blank word document. D suddenly feels the urge to dump all that she was feeling. From her mind to the paper - she badly needed to unload - doesn't matter if the words no longer made sense - heck her life no longer made sense. She frantically starts typing......

Can I read this without cringing 10 years from now? Think, think, think! 10 years from now when you wake up in your house filled with a dog, maybe lots of books, a money plant and a bespectacled guy (maybe, a big maybe!), with a farrowed look on your face, reminiscing about the good ol' days and dig this up - will you regret reading this blast from the past? But then I am just following Dr. Phil's advice. Writing about your PTSD relieves you from your pain apparently! (bleh!)

We have now reached the juicy part of the story, WHAT THE HECK IS SHE WRITING ABOUT?

Well, I will tell you why. Because I got suddenly lost my exclusivity! My husband of 5 years suddenly stumbled upon some hot tamale (s) ( I know, there were multiple apparently) and found this plain ol' rice pretty tasteless! Come to think of it, Rice is the staple diet of 100% of South Asians so I wonder why someone would throw away something that is so stable and essential. Does rice bore everyone? Will you like biriyani/pilaf every day? Given a choice, it seems everyone would like biriyani/pilaf over rice. But then are we just consumers of human emotions like we consume food?

Think D, think! Damn that deadline on Materials Management! Suddenly her phone beeps, "You ok? Do you want to meet for a cuppa?" D takes a deep breath and writes "Yes please, the usual place?" Thank god for small wins in life like running into a kind soul in office kitchen counter and finding a friend for life.

10 years - come on D, all this will seem like a dream in 10 years time, she thinks as she tries to stuff her overweight body into her jeans.

For fun read: D in BDSM refers to dominance, the crux of a BDSM relationship. It's all about erotic power exchange, not one person having power over another.


 (fresh) Start: Let us call her S!


5-4-3-2-1 - S tried to get off from her bed. Her tired eyes protest against the effort. No! I don't need a fresh start! I want to curl up inside this stupid blanket and die! Her mind feebly tried to remind her of the great advice from Mel Robbins, LAUNCH YOURSELF LIKE A ROCKET!

Bloody hell! Who wants to get up at this god forsaken hour to go work out? Mel has someone to come back to - S is lonely and strives to be invisible. No, stop! S reminds herself - Remember! Start your day on a positive note. Shucks! She spoiled it again, didn't she - S thinks as she stumbles off from her bed and wearily makes her way to the boxing club.

S's muscles groan in protest as her trainer makes her run up and down the street. Huffing and puffing S thinks "Are all new starts this hard? Snakes can shed off their skin so easily but then caterpillars take ages to become beautiful butterflies." Her thoughts are interrupted with a bark from her trainer "What are you dreaming about, give me 20 push-ups". Ughh! She groans and starts her slow descent to pain. In a feeble attempt of motivation S tries the external validation route..."You will lose weight and look hotter to the guys in the gym!" But her brain was quick to jump in defense and reminds her "You are not even wearing your spectacles, can't even see if any guy is actually checking you out in the gym". Sighing S tells her screaming lungs "Oh! Just do it anyway!"

Come to think of it - hitting feels so good! Especially when S can land a punch on the tall guy in front of her. To all the naysayers in the world - she ain't done yet! S silently cheers for herself in her mind "Can you see???? I am still standing! None of you could destroy me fully. I am fire - I am a woman - I will reinvent myself every time you push me down..." S's string of thoughts breaks all of a sudden as she finds herself flat on her bottom with a look of pure horror in her face. Did she really slip in her own sweat while boxing in front of all these hyper-fueled muscular fit community of god bods? Man! Wish she could drown in her own sweat or shame! As her trainer extends his hand, S chuckles and pushes herself upright saying out loud, "I am still standing, ain't I".

"Man, a fresh start does feel good", S thinks as she continues with her boxing lesson.

For fun read: S in BDSM refers to Submission. It says, the true power lies with the submissive as he/she sets the actual boundaries in this exploration.


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Can some of you connect to some of these stories? If yes - do share similar snippets from your divorce or any stories of fresh start that you have tried in your lives. Would love to connect with you via your stories. Together let us weave a cloak of familiar stories for men and women who are unable to share theirs. On a cold and lonely night when they will be searching for heat, may our cloak of familiar stories give them the warmth they are looking for and help them realize:

You are not alone. We are the average (wo)man of this world and we stand tall and proud, even at 5.2.


Wait for my next blog on how B and M dealt with a breakup and (old relationship) memories.




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