In 2020, I had to restart my life.
I won’t unpack everything that led to it or what that ending held, at least not today. What matters here is what came after: the slow work of building a life again, in a shape I had never planned for.
Anicca came out of that season. The word means impermanence. I chose it because nothing in my life had stayed the way I thought it would, and I wanted a name that made peace with it instead of fighting it.
The blog didn’t begin as a solo project. I started it with two friends, who were going through tough times of their own, and writing together felt like something we could all hold on to. Back then I was convinced I didn’t have enough to say about lifestyle and I thought I only knew books. Then ty stopped blogging after a while, and somewhere along the way the friendships ended too. That still aches.
Then a colleague and friend blogged alongside me for a while. She stopped too, but she stayed in my life, and I count that as one of the good surprises of this whole experiment. Not every ending is a loss.
But it taught me the first lesson this space keeps teaching me: people come and go, and the work continues.
Then the blog itself changed. Blogger restricted Anicca, and overnight the site became unreadable to everyone but me. It felt like the universe was taking the name a little too literally.
But here is what I know now, looking at the stretch from 2020 to today: change is constant. I am already a different person from the one who restarted her life. And it is never comfortable, but it is always needed if you want to evolve.
Some things, though, did not change. I have loved Shah Rukh Khan for the longest time. In the hardest stretch, from 2017 to 2020, his philosophies kept me working hard, and there was this hope that life isn’t over. He was my first source of belief that I deserve better and in a way, he was my path to self love, the hope that kept me holding on even when the world said otherwise. He has been such a constant in my life. Even now, I try to be as hardworking as him. I wish I was as well read and well spoken as him. And I definitely wish I had his charm or his business sense.
Then, in 2023, Min Yoongi came into my life. I had heard of BTS, but I only became a fan once I discovered Agust D. His lyrics helped me believe that it was possible to recover after being broken. That scars are beautiful and that they are proof of what I survived. That mattered more than I can say after being gaslit for over a decade. I see a lot of me in him (or is it the other way around?). But most importantly, he taught me to dream again.
From here on, this blog won't be only about change. It will also be about the constants, the lessons I am learning about life, and the things I enjoy at its various stages.
So this is the first post, a fresh start, for a blog named after impermanence. Anicca has outlived changed friendships, changed seasons, and a platform that tried to make it disappear. It is still here. So am I.
If you are reading this, thank you for being here at the beginning. Again.
Everything changes and I am learning to be glad that it does.
No comments:
Post a Comment